The Synergistic Pen

where did the year go?
why don't I give a damn about Christmas anymore?
why do I feel the need to be nice to total strangers?
where is my remote?
what will I get my Masters Degree in?
why does the FOP keep calling when I specifically requested to be taken off their phone list?
will the Colts go to the Superbowl?
will my son become a successful animator and writer?
will his sister help raise the standard in kindergarten classes one day?
will i convince the ole man that retiring to a nice warm island really is a good idea?

I wonder how watered down the health care bill will be when it comes out of the senate?
why on earth did tiger woods marry a clubber?
will he stay married to the clubber?
why do women make poor choices concerning men and then get mad at the men for being just the idiots they are?
why do men who claim they want to be men insist upon hooking up with women who don't have any idea how to be more than girls?
what will I get my husband for his birthday?

what color should I paint this bedroom?
where can I find some vintag chains locally?
wonder if macy's does the christmas windows downtown like marshall field's used to? (not going to see, thank you very much)
where is OUR snow?
glad we don't have snow, but ready for it just the same.
talking crazy about snow, what on earth am I thinking?

I hope I can find some really good deals on cable knit sweaters after Christmas.
I hope peace, even if only temporary, comes to the middle east... soon
I pray for all who suffer with illness and pain.
I pray for education reform.
I wish I had better organizational skills.
I wish I wasn't addicted to facebook.

I'm happy.
I'm loving my job.
I'm so totally in love.
I'm mindnumbing proud of my children (back pat)
I love my cat and want another one...will devise a plan to make this happen.

I will no longer react to negativity, jealousy or ignorance
I will smile in the face of stupidity and tell it to drop dead please.
I will finish the novel. I will
I will make jewelry until my fingers bleed. (not a major leap)
I will take more trips.

I will appreciate my genuine friendships.
I will nuture new friendships.
I will (unfornuately) dismiss all (including family) who show no self love and therefore try to manipulate my love
I will continue to look to God
I will always recognize who I am.
I will never forget who I once was.
I will grow and become who God wants me to be.

I will write more.
I will listen more
I will talk less.
I will think harder.
I will create.
I will inspire.
I will encourage.
I will heal.
I will nuture.
I will love.
I will allow others to love me.
I will make people say.."Damn girl!"

sigh... yeah.

I was raised during the sixties and came of age in the late 70s. My parents were married to each other, well educated, and gainfully employed. We didn't get a colored television until 1972. I didn't have a 10 speed bike until 1976. Our parents sacrificed to send us to a private, catholic high school and my sisters and I are now college graduates.

We lived in a nice 4 bedroom house on a quiet street in the Midwest. Between the three sisters, we were the "proud parents" of 3 cats, 2 dogs, 4 snakes, a praying mantis, and a pail full of worms. Our lives were "a wonder".

I mentioned all of this in passing one evening to a group of chatters who were complaining about the state of the black community and how it was "never" a good scene for black folks in America. After a moment of "cyber silence", one of them asked me if I was white. Another told me (yes, actually told me) I was a spoiled bitch. I laughed so loudly at the comments that my son cam into the room and chastised me for laughing at the computer screen, reminding me of the insanity of such behavior.

I asked them why my childhood and life seemed so strange and "not black" to them. Responses ranged from cus "black folk have never lived like that" to "because your parents were probably sell out, rich Negros" (my parent both grew up on dirt poor farm in the south during the depression and were in college during the early days of the moder civil rights movement." My parents weren't rich, I corrected happily. My mother, now a widow, still would consider herself wealthy, even though daddy made sure she would want for nothing before he left us to live with the ancestors.

Yet, the notion of black folk. from the country, moving to the big, bad city and "moving on up" apparently is something only seen on TV Land reruns for some of my people. Where are all the people like me, who came for 2 parent, 2 income, paid off mortgage, decent credit rating families? Am I an anomaly? Should I be concerned about this?

Whatever happened to the concept of "yes, you too can be more than a kid form the projects?" If you are a kid from the projects who rose above your circumstances, why on earth are you so hard on folk who didn't live in the projects?

I love the way folk badmouth the "chocolate cities" in America, either not knowing or forgetting the glory days of these communities and that this is where all the "uppity" Negros (as we are tacitly referred as" come from. There is an entire generation of "Negros" who now have risen above their circumstances and made a beeline to somewhere other than "home" and now pretend they never lived in the projects or were on welfare, or had to watch their backs as they walked home from the store or cried over the dead body of their drug addict cousin... and that THEY are now the "new negro"... and the rest of us, who never had that experience are "less" than them, because our lives weren't "hard".

Hard? You survived it... so was it really that hard? What about the ones who are still there, who didn't make it out? Why hate on me for having missed out on YOUR experience? Why forget those who did and are still living that experience? Why dismiss my contribution to the black experience because I am a 3rd generation college graduate and you're the first one in your family to see the ivy?

Has it become a different sort of "us vs them"? Needing to feel included in the bigger experience has created a group of "uppity Negros" who don't even realize they're uppity and who have completely forgotten who laid down for them to even be who they now pretend to be. They've left the ghetto...but the ghetto will never leave their consciousness. This is NOT a good thing.

I am a proud member of the "dying breed" of black folk. I know my root is long, strong and blood soaked. I never lived in a project or had to dodge bullets. My parent drove me nuts making me become more than them, even as they were a great deal more than their parents before them.

I didn't benefit form entitlements and scholarships cus I came from a single parent household or have a mother who never expected me to amount to anything. I have no chip on my shoulder. I have nothing to prove.

I am a dying breed of black folk.

We need to start a memorial fund. Holla at ya girl...

a member of the family.

Now, so you know, in my family, people express themselves in very interesting ways: hubby draws, so does that son of mine. My daughter does really interesting things with small children, and I turn a mean trick with wooden beads. Oh yeah, sometimes, I write stuff down and people say they like it. I have a couple of cousins who do amazing things with food. A few sing, some dance, others are musicians.

Well, other people in the family express themselves also. I'd like you to meet one of them.

This is my husband's neice, Khia... she's an educator, a poet and a publisher. Oh yeah, she's 29 years old.

Check her out... KhiaStone

ok... back to being brilliant with beads... amani na baraka rafikis...

but, I don't get it...

were things so bad for the previoius administration that anything and everything this administration says is like honey on the tongue?

I'm am probably one of the few African Americans on the planet that thinks the POTUS shouldn't have received the Nobel Peace Prize. Actually, he intimated so, himself, but this ain't about his thoughts on it, it about mine.

I remained cautiously optimistic throught the long, grueling campaign. I knew there would be moments where if he said the right thing, we'd all cheer and even when he said the wrong thing, we'd justify it by saying, well, its better than what John said. I also knew, and felt deeply in my heart, he's pretty green, and that, yes, green could be good, as long as SOMEONE in the joint wasn't as green as he was. He fixed that with most of his cabinet appointees... starting with ole girl Hilary. No problem.

When he was elected, yes, I drove through a lake effect blizzard in 12 degree weather to be witness to the historical inauguration. I was and continue to be happy for him in his successful career thus far... except for one tiny thing....

he really hasn't accomplished anything yet. Or, maybe I missed something.

So, when the announcement came trickling down to me via my favorite politics loving 8th grade student (this child will be such a politician one day, pray for him), I was a bit shocked. My initial response was, who nominated him, when and why?

So we looked up the Nobel Prize, and all that was involved in getting nominated and who could nominate and when nominations closed and when did the voting occur and whatnot. It began to make sense.

He was nominated right after the inauguration apparently... after that fabulous speech about everyone getting along and how we, as Americans know we're buttheads, but we're gonna fix that, if everyone else will admit that they're buttheads too. Yeah, great speech, remember, I was there, I heard it.

Except...(and I know, its only been 9 months), not a whole lot has happened "peace" wise... again, unless I missed something. (I have been extremely preoccupied lately, and there was my self imposed news blackout for the sake of sanity period in there)

Did he receive the prize for the glorious rhetoric of it all? Do people get awarded (rewarded) for rhetoric? (don't answer that, it was rhetorical...hahaha! *sorry*)

this is the letter that came out of the White House the morning of the announcement... does he feel he's earned this?

This morning, Michelle and I awoke to some surprising and humbling news. At 6 a.m., we received word that I'd been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009.

To be honest, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the transformative figures who've been honored by this prize -- men and women who've inspired me and inspired the entire world through their courageous pursuit of peace. But I also know that throughout history the Nobel Peace Prize has not just been used to honor specific achievement; it's also been used as a means to give momentum to a set of causes.That is why I've said that I will accept this award as a call to action, a call for all nations and all peoples to confront the common challenges of the 21st century.

These challenges won't all be met during my presidency, or even my lifetime. But I know these challenges can be met so long as it's recognized that they will not be met by one person or one nation alone.This award -- and the call to action that comes with it -- does not belong simply to me or my administration; it belongs to all people around the world who have fought for justice and for peace.

And most of all, it belongs to you, the men and women of America, who have dared to hope and have worked so hard to make our world a little better.So today we humbly recommit to the important work that we've begun together. I'm grateful that you've stood with me thus far, and I'm honored to continue our vital work in the years to come.

Thank you,

President Barack Obama

Again, I ain't hatin'... I just think he should actually get something accomplished first, that's all. With all the infighting and backstabbing, and veiled racial bullshit... he has remained focused and determined. I like that. I sense he knows he will accomplish the goals he set out to accomplish. Let's just stop patting him on the back for them BEFORE he's done any of it...

please?
thanks.

I have three acquaintances, intelligent, educated women. We all met as teachers several years ago. We are all ambitious women, with plans for ourselves and goals that are attainable.I'm the only one that's married. With that said, its generally known and understood that I made choices early in my marriage that kept me from working on secondary and terminal degrees until recently. My acquaintances made choices that have included working on degrees... and not being married.Two of them are currently working on their PhDs in education... the third on finished her PhD in education a couple of years ago... and is now working on a SECOND PhD... why? "I love learning"...yeah, right.


I love mah girls... really, I do. I think it fabulous that they've done these amazing things. I ask them, so, Doctor... what you gonna do now?"get back to my classroom, of course."What???I wish I would go back to my middle school classroom with a PhD in my pocket.

Why did they REALLY get the terminal degree? Again, I love them, but I think it was because they have nothing else to occupy their time. Lots of wome with multiple degrees work hard at the career and the education in an attempt to fill their lives... No man, no children... no problem.. back to school I go.

I have a male friend with a PhD who attempted to explain it to me. He is a college professor and works with several women with terminal degrees and no personal obligations. He asked a few of them how they ended up where they are in their personal lives...

"They started out with the idea of establishing their careers and getting a bachelors and masters degree and then, they'd marry and start families. But, the men weren't there when they finished the masters so they went on back to school and got the PhD. Still no man, and no other goal other than "getting a man"... so off they go to college professorships and/or jobs they're overqualified for."

No other goal than to get a man. Scary. Was there a point in there where some of them decided... education was a bigger orgasmic experience than a man? Seriously, was there?

A couple of years ago, I sat 4 nights a week for 3 weeks in a class lead by a 30 something woman with a PhD in Psychology. She sat in front of us (never had a prof do that before EVER) and nibbled on candy nightly. She told us a bit about herself... second of 4 sisters, no brothers. Engaged once years ago...but that "didn't work out"... had her PhD for less than a year. When she wasn't acting as an adjunct professor in small Catholic colleges... she worked at the local mental health clinic.

I asked one evening, because it was bothering me... did she plan on getting on the tenure track there or elsewhere, or set up her own practice, or what?"I hadn't thought about it. I don't know. I'm cool the way things are now."

Wow.

I ran into her the other day, as she visited in my school building. She is still at the mental health clinic... and teaching parttime. She had a piece of candy in her mouth, just bought a new house, spent a few weeks in Africa last summer... and still has no man in her life.Oh, she's thinking about going back to school. I just smiled and wished her luck. She walked away and I wondered... will she enjoy the orgasm she'll have with this degree as much as the last one?

Oh well.

My sister sent me this...

apparently this tour company in Washington DC... which provides a personalize look at Black DC is in danger of folding. Let's see if we can make that an impossibility, shall we?

Pass this post along...

Chocolate City Tour

I have no idea why I went.
Ok, I do know why I went. I'm a glutton for punishment AND needed a reference check. I got both.

Last Friday night I went to the meet and greet for my 30 year class reunion. A little background info for ya.

Beginning my sophmore year in high school I attended a small, catholic school 6 miles from my home and childhood friends. My new classmates were mainly middle classes brats... sorta like me, now that I think about it. The racial demographics were approximately 80% white, 15% hispanic, 4% black and 1% asian. The religious demographics were approximately 99% catholic and 1% protestant/other. The gender demographics were about 50/50. I really didn't like it there, but, according to my father (who knew best, of course), I'd receive a fine, college preparatory education and interact with a diverse group of students and enjoy the experience. Uh huh.

Well, it was the late 70s. Big hair and platform shoes and huge dreams. I survived the experience with my soul intact... and my sense of reality only slightly skewed. I was the "token" in the honors program. This meant I spent 99% of my high school career in classes with white males with, if I was lucky, at least one other female in the room. It also meant, except for breakfast, lunch and social/sports events, I didn't see black folk very often. Again... I didn't like it.

So... last Friday night when I did finally get up, get dressed and drive out to the pizza joint where the meet and greet was being held, I fully expected to know at least two people in the room, the host and hostess... high school sweethearts, Cy and Diane, neither of whom I ever had a class with, but both of whom knew me... because of my sister, their fellow band geek. I wasn't staying long...

I entered the joint, full of smoke and drunk white people, stepped up to the bar and asked where the reunion party was... I was directed to the back of the place and as I stood in the doorway, looking for an aged, yet familar face in the crowd, all eyes fell on me. I smiled, waved and continued to look for someone I knew. I guess I appeared to be lost to the white haired woman closest to me, so she extended her hand (I swear she did) introduced herself (I didn't recognize her maiden name, so immediately lost interest in her existence) and said hello. I told her who I was, she naturally didn't know who I was and I just smiled at her, took back my now sweaty hand and followed the waitress who was passing into the room with a large, freshly baked pizza. Let me eat something... and find some liquor... not necessarily in that order.

I weaved my way through the crowd of balding, possibly successful men and greying, housewife on sabbatical women and stopped in front of the buffet. As I gathered up some of the pizza and located the chianti, someone called my name. It was Mary (this was a catholic reunion... 90% of the girls were named Mary) who grabbed me just as I put my hands on the carafe of wine and hugged me. She then did something just... wrong. She brushed her hand across my face and announced to the anonymous man standing with her that I still had the most beautiful skin she'd ever seen in her life. Why on earth was my face so flawless (nevermind the perimenapausal acne that was causing me to become suicidal) and why did I still look like I was 18 years old? (I was 17 when we graduated, you perkly little snot.)

I smiled, made a mental note on how thin she was, thanked her and excused myself to get back to that carafe of wine. Fully armed with food and spirits, I renegotiated my way through the crowd, smiling and saying hi to these strangers and found a table. I was about to sit down when another person called my name. I recognized this one. Tanya... crazy Tanya. I noticed something that almost made me laugh. She was with several others I recognized... every single one of them non white... all standing off in a corner enjoying each other. I'd found the minority section of the room.

We laughed and talked and someone pulled out a yearbook and we attempted to identify the people in the room. Then someone said it... why do we all look the same and they look different? We all knew the answer, and it wasn't necessary to say it, but someone did anyway. "Cus they grow old way too fast." We all silently agreed with that assessment.

There wasn't an honors program graduate in the joint. I didn't have classes with ANY of these people... but I knew some of them, and made them laugh as I signed the guest book and put my email address in the column. If I get an email from any of ya'll... I'm sending it to my spam file, you've been warned.

30 damned years, and the overeducated hispanics and blacks were sitting in the corner being ignored by the "average educated" white people. They didn't care that we were teachers and psychotherapists and nurses, or engineers and authors and had our own businesses and masters degrees or working on our Ph.Ds. We still weren't important... after all this time. Most of them didn't WANT to know that we were as successful as them.. if not more so. They were there to show off what they wanted everyone to think they were. We were there to give high praise to each other for what we'd become despite being ignored.

Man on man... as I wandered out of the room with people asking why I was leaving so soon (soon, I've been here 3 hours and you ain't said shit to me) I made another mental note... don't show up at any more class reunions.. These people are assholes.

Health care and the care of your health. You'd think the two would go together like water and ice or ice and steam, but for some reason, there appears to be a difference between the two.

I have always had health insurance. I have moaned and bitched about the change in deductibles and the copays, but, at the end of the day, I pay the premium, the co pay, the deductible and see the doctor. Because I am blessed enough to do this, I have no "pre existing condition" to be an aggravation for me when I've changed jobs and need to change carriers. Its worked out nicely.

The clinic where my doctor practices was closed for about 3 months last year due to flooding. The computer files were lost and for a while there, noone in the joint was sure who owed them money and who didn't. I've been getting bills in the mail that I wouldn't normally receive because, naturally, everything is submitted to the insurance company. Ladies and gentlemen, health care, even the preventive maintenance, wellness stuff, ain't cheap. I make the necessary phone calls and resubmit claims and everything is ok now, but I couldn't imagine having to pay out of pocket for that stuff. I feel for people who have to.

I also feel for doctors. When I took my daughter in for her menigitis vaccination before heading off to college a couple of years ago, the doctor asked specifically... can she have this done at the infirmary? I asked why. He was plain.

That vaccination will cost the clinic $127 and the insurance company will
probably only pay $50 of it. We have to eat the rest. Its gotten to
the point where clinics and doctors are working for free while the patients are
padding the pockets of the insurance companies.

This is what the health insurance debate is about. People needing insurance, having insurance and paying insurance, yet, for some reason, the insurance companies aren't providing health care ASSURANCE.

Some say the problem lies in the deregulation of the insurance companies several years ago (gee, doesn't that sound familiar, can you say "bank deregulation"?) Some say its just general greed of hospitals and insurance companies. I say its a spiralling mess of both.

So, all the nice people screaming like banchees at town hall meetings are confused. They're functioning under a delusion created by health insurance lobbists who want to make sure that the "good thing" their clients have been living with all this time, doesn't fade to black.

And then there's this other notion of what's really going on. Remember 9/11? Remember how, after the dust had cleared, the insurance companies had to pay off claims and rates went up and everything?

Remember Katrina and Rita? Same thing there. Notice how in and attempt to "balance" things out, the banks started all of that adjustable mortgage rate stuff? Remember the bottom falling out of manufacturing and everyone packing up and moving to China? How many more dominos will fall before its all over?

Well... I believe everyone should have health insurance. Everyone should visit the doctor at least once a year. This will cut down on the number of pre existing conditions, which will reduce costs in health care which will... well you see how it works.

If folk would just stop screaming lik e banchees at town hall meetings....

but we'll discuss thatin part 2....

Random thought #1: Men landed on the moon 40 years ago. I remember that. Damn.
Random thought #2: My 30th class reunion is in 7 weeks. I suppose I should go. Double Damn.
Random thought #3: I love the way God makes people stop and pay attention, don't you? Don't miss the total eclipse of the sun Wednesday, July 22nd.
Random thought #4: Speaking of July 22nd... happy 105th birthday granny... hope you and granpa and daddy and uncle and all the rest of yall are having fun in heaven...
Random thought #5: I look amazing for my age... thanks moms! (ok... vanity moment over)
Random thought #6: I am both nervous and excited about my new job I'm starting in August. Its been a minute since I've stepped out on faith and it all worked out well. This new adventure in education will take me someplace I need to go and I will be better for the experience I am sure...
Random thought # 7: When I get my student loans paid off, I do believe I'll work on my Masters. Just what will I major in?
Random thought #8: I need to write more. My head is about to burst.
Random thought #9: My jewelry is HOT... why aren't I excited about this?
Random thought #10: Mama C is gonna be ok!! yea team!!!
Random thought #11: I knew my second born child being a pleasure to raise was a smoke screen... give me strength Lord...
Random thought #12: Nice ass... wait... ok.. I'm ok... where was I?
Random thought #13: I need a new laptop... scratch that .. I WANT a new laptop...
Random thought #14: What recession?
Random thought #15: My bible study buddies and I are being lead "outside the gate"... I wonder what God REALLY wants of us out here in the wilderness?
Random thought #16: I want another cat... how can I convince hubby that 2 cats isn't any more work than one?
Random thought #17: Chocolate, cream and raspberry? on my living room walls? mmmmmm
Random thought #18: C has a dorm room to herself this year... will reiterate the importance of me not becoming a grandmother before my time...
Random thought #19: Reiterate same to J.
Random thought #20: Reiterate the importance of ending my fertile years without a hitch to both my doctor and husband...
Random thought #21: Write letter to congressman and senator concerning health care reform. Make it forceful and forthright...
Random thought #22: Take lawn chair to beach and sit there til the sun goes down...today.
Random thought #23: Smile at random people ...
Random thought #24: I think I hate my cousin... pray about that more.
Random thought #25: Plan October mental health weekend... I need it already...
Random thought #26: Write a letter to Pat Buchanan and ask him seriously, why he's so.. afraid.
Random thought #27: Drop a note on the WhiteHouse.org site just to say "good job so far, keep up the good job"
Random thought #28: Check into Facebook Addiction counselling...
Random thought #29: Finish the bracelet, will ya... and the choker too...
Random thought #30: I think I'll get my Masters in Sociology... what the hell...
Random thought #31: Stop and go make jewelry or something...
Random thought #32: Man I love vacation... so much time for randomness...

ok... I'm done... for now...


sigh... amani na baraka rafikis...

I participate in a couple of faith and religion forums online. My brand of spiritual awareness tends to unnerve a few professed Christians. I explain that I was raised in the Presbyterian Church and fully believe and accept that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I work hard to live my life as Jesus has taught us to live... all so I can know God's love in spirit and truth... as Jesus explains it in the Gospels...

However, I'm not a trinitarian. I don't call myself a Christian. I don't get caught up in the Pauline doctrine that is the modern Christian religion. This bothers some people I interact with in the forums.

Just the other day, after repeating for the 17gabillionth time the statement I've made above, someone "pretends" she was lurking and wanders into a thread I'm participating in. She makes the comment (as interpreted by her) that I am a strong Christian (I said I was had in a strong Christian background, not the same thing, or is it?), and that I seem to be able to quote and interpret scripture pretty well (well thanks total stranger for thinking that about me) . Yet, because I occasionally will say that dreaded word "hell" or "damn", and every now and again will speak of my spiritual leader (instead of saying pastor or bishop, mmmmmm), she felt it necessary to ask me if I was a Christian.

I didn't answer her. She'd already decided I wasn't so why bother. I wasn't up for a veiled attempt at "conversion" from someone who freely admits she's a Christian neophyte....

She, naturally, became frustrated at my desire not to capitulate to her questioning (they always do), told me that having a conversation with me was like pulling teeth and she wasn't a dentist (haha, funny.) and then wandered off into the sunset.

I have a question. Why do some people insist upon sizing a person up before engaging them in conversation? If you are as spiritually sound as you enjoy projecting to the world, why not just jump on into the pool and swim out out to me? Why stand on the edge and ask about the temperature of the water?
s
People who aren't comfortable in their skin, literal or spiritual, tend to attempt to control their environments. Its a defense mechanism bordering on full fledged manipulation of their environment. "I will let in only those who think as I do and that I don't have to play the dummy with when we have a conversation." If ANYONE says anything that I'm not sure of, I'll check them out first, "tell them about themselves" (cus naturally, I've read 2 or 3 of your posts and I know so much about you) and then, politely get you to be what makes me comfortable. If you don't do what I say, I'll insult you, damn you to hell, and then go and gossip about you with others.

Gotta love church folk, huh?

Well, just for the record, in case anyone wants to know... again, I"m not a trinitarian. If you want to know why, send me a note, I'll explain it to you. Also, I don't belong to an organized assembly, nor do I show up anywhere on Sundays. Again, only the genuinely spiritually curious need email me.

The rest of you "biblebeating, my pastor didn't give me permission to think this week, amen sistagurl, she IS going to hell, isn't she" fine, upstanding "Christians"... have a nice week.

I read a post on a forum today with a picture of President Obama presumably giving a young lady the once over. Naturally, the person that posted the picture had something negative to say about it... why not? ignant people tend to find ignant things to say... basically the commentary was... will Michelle approve? people tell so much about themselves in the things they say, don't they?


FOR THE RECORD.... this is what the VIDEO shows President Obama doing...




why must we keep up so much mess? WHY?

not sure if this is my favorite or not...but, it still makes me tingle...
of all the "bad", the "crazy", the "hurtful"... that went on in his life...
we forget the "good", the "upstanding", the "uplifting" that went on in his life...

enjoy....

I swear, this particular day of the year bugs me. Part of the problem is the firecrackers this little brat across the alley insists upon exploding every day for at least a week before the holiday, early in the morning. I hope he has used up his alottment... I pray he has used up his alottment.

The other problem I have with his particular day of the year is the way most people aren't really clear on what is being celebrated. Some think its about who can best cook a large piece of pork. Others think its about standing around in uniforms and saluting flags. Some think its about sleeping all day. Others figure driving miles away from home to sit around with family and talking shit is the order of the day.

I have no idea why we celebrate this holiday anymore. White folk don't appreciate freedom, everyone else (folk without pink skin) have never really been free, so its just a day off to us, I suppose.

I spent the day wondering if I should repaint the pin stripping I did on my son's wall yesterday, doing some updating on my jewelry website (have you been there yet, no? git there dammit)... and listening to my husband have a really nice conversation with our daughter, who, with her brother, is spending the summer in Florida.

Then I went shopping. Yes, shopping. I don't care if there's a recession, I need shea butter and earrings. Ok, I didn't need earrings, but I like to support my sisters out there making handmade jewelry... so I bought some stuff at the annual caribbean festival ... it was raining... so, shopping was easy. I don't mind getting wet.

what was the question again?

Oh yeah, this particular day of the year no longer has meaning to me. I have always assumed I was free, I KNOW that my freedom is not dependent on anything any "american" did for me... although I am eternally grateful to all members of the armed forces for sacrifices made. Thank you all...

but... this particular day of the year...I don't know yall...tell me... should I care? Well, there are the fireworks... I like fireworks... (smile)

An associate of mine gave me this link and video clip on a topic I thought you all might find interesting.



for more information on this documentary, visit their website here.

I'm empathetic. I'm a bit shocked. I'm probably even sad. I'm definitely sick of folk saying RIP. Stop it... damn.

I watched Michael Jackson and his brothers most afternoons one year as they rehearsed in the multipurpose room at Garnett Elementary School in Gary. I was 8 years old. My mother taught 1st grade there. I wondered who these dancing fools were.

This was just before the big "discovery" of the J5. They were just some local boys who won talent contests and could dance. Again, I was 8, I wasn't impressed.

Over the years, it was bothersome to say, yeah, I'm from Gary, no, I don't know Michael every time people found out where I was from. I'd say stuff like, you DO know Alex Karras and Deneice Williams are from G.I. too, right? That always resulted in blank looks that melted into "this heffa is crazy" smiles.

It wasn't that I was ashamed of Michael, I, like most locals, tried to keep them for ourselves, even when we knew we couldn't. So, as Julianna Renzik (or whatever her name is) interrupted the dumb show I was pretending to watch on E! the other day, made her announcement, I felt suddenly very alone. Michael was gone and wouldn't be showing up unannounced like his brothers did a few weeks ago... just cus they wanted to visit an uncle. I wouldn't have to roll my eyes and sigh as I said for the umpteenth time, no I didn't go to school with Michael. I would (unfortunately) have to listen to Bad every hour on the hour ... but that's ok.

Dead celebrities and their totally disloyal fans make me itch. Geez... I just ain't feeling all the tears and total sadness, and analysis of his life and career and social ineptness. Most of yall didn't even know he wasn't living in the country, geez, quit pretending you're upset!

I don't care. Does that make me a bad person? (please say yes).

Yeah, I was too close to the action, sitting in the multipurpose room at Garnett, watching this little boy and his brothers spin and dance and sing. It was never that big a deal to me. It was just the Jackson brothers from G.I. They did good.

*sigh* damn.

Dear Governor Sanford:

It has come to my attention that you used poor judgement lately. I'm not sure what exactly was on your mind and why you thought you were getting away with, but I must say, I am disappointed.

Not only have you disgraced yourself in the face of your family and constituency, but also before the eyes of God.

Aren't you one of the guys about 16 years back that INSISTED that President Clinton should resign because of his trist with Monica? Dang man, at least Wild Bill stayed at work! Why did you leave the country dude? Wouldn't it have been easier to send for her? Is she that fabulous? Will she let you live with her now (cus I hope ole girl has sense enough to change the locks on the door)

What were you thinking? At the end of the day, its just sex. You can get that on just about any corner in America. Was it her conversation? her fake picture? the voice on the phone? Tell me please, so I can go out and twist up some man's head right quick!

No, seriously, I weep for you in this situation. You really got caught up and now, probably actually believe everyone will say, poor man, woo woo woo. NOT. As I discussed this with someone this morning, it was noted how you have always made a point of making sure everyone knows how great a Christian you are and how your "Christian Values" are the cornerstone of who you are as a man and a politician. The thing about being a child of God, though, dude is this: you don't even "get" what being a child of God is until you've suffered a bit...

wait, you're suffering now, I think you "get it" now, huh?

I want to thank you, as a fellow child of God for putting the wrong message out there in the universe, pushing more people away from Christ and the faith and forcing me to now spend at least the next 2 weeks listening to atheists, agnostics and free thinkers on the way out there tip, use YOU as the example of why Christianity sucks.

I hope things get better for you. I hope you really do "get it" now. I hope your wife is more forgiving than I'd probably be. I hope you can find a job, cus, damn dude, you gonna lose this one.

Have a scrumdillious day Governor Sanford, for real doe...

This business in Iran is bothering me. In fact, all this business in the "middle east" has been bothering me for a while now. I tend to see the world through historically tinted glasses, a bit foggy, I will admit. Even with this truism about myself, I must say, there's something very toxic brewing here.

If you click on the title of this post, you will find yourself at a very interesting article in Salon.com by Michael Lind. Basically, Mr.Lind argues against theocratic governments and how Iran is attempting to hide a theocracy behind the current "free" elections.

There's nothing "free" about a theocracy, ladies and gentlemen. In a theocracy, clergy interpret and decide what is "right and wrong", "good and bad", "acceptable and unacceptable" in the society. They even define what/who "God" is and whether God is the God of all or just those who agree with them.

From a purely spiritual point of view, every person has the right to choose their path in life, not have it defined for them and then subjected to scrutiny 24/7. At least, that's what I believe based on my spiritual education. Naturally, there should be some rules, some guidelines so keep order in the world, however, to apply religious dogma to the daily functioning of government has never worked. Just ask the Jews.

God promised the Israelites the land of Canaan if they simply obeyed him. They did for a while, then, seeing the other nations function under kings and judges and religious leadership, they wanted what others had. Becoming disobedient, they set up a government that resulted in corruption of the laws of Moses. That particular theocracy/nation has never been quite the same, has it?

In our country, we have the right to worship as we please, the right to speak our mind concerning what the government does or doesn't do, and all sorts of other rights. The government attempts to remain secular, although, naturally, depending on the fervor (real or imagined) of whoever is in charge at any given time, we find ourselves being "corralled" with religious undertones attached to it all.

Natural rights, as Mr. Lind calls them, belong to everyone. To control how another human being functions in the world under the guise of "I'm doing this for your own good" only leads to rebellion. Sort of like what's happening in Iran right now.

Yet, the clergy/government seems shocked and confused by it all. Did they really believe everyone would just say, ok, we accept your (our) choice.

I think our founding fathers got it pretty much on point... even if we do battle it out daily about what we should and shouldn't be allowed to do, whether the government should interfere in our rights to do things, etc. and all the other stuff people don't really think about until a law is passed and they don't like what its about.

Oh well.... nations under God... gotta love them.

note: this random thought is all in fun. No good friends or other lifeforms were injured or insulted in the writing of this article. If they were... tough...

e⋅lit⋅ism  /ɪˈlitɪzəm, eɪˈli-/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [i-lee-tiz-uhm, ey-lee-] Show IPA
Use elitist in a Sentence
–noun 1. practice of or belief in rule by an elite.
2. consciousness of or pride in belonging to a select or favored group.


********************************************
I have a friend: lovely person, intelligent, smart, articulate, worldly, a great person to bounce ideas of off...

He's lived an interesting life, done some interesting things, and has been some interesting places.... and he has opinions about the world around him based on his life experience.... which is a beautiful thing....

Understand me now, dude is from the hood, we grew up in the same town, experienced similar things in our childhoods and can relate to alot of the same stuff...have similar educational backgrounds, made parallel life choices that have put us in the places we are today...

difference between me and him? I KNOW I have elitist tendencies. He's in deep denial.

Yes, I love my people... but dammit... I will talk about a hoodrat in a new york city minute... so will he. But according to him, that's not looking down on a person...its just.. "pointing out their 'faults'".

This isn't really a problem for me, again, I know I'm an ass... I just enjoy telling him and laughing at him as he denies it all.

Dammit, B.... you're an elitist, its ok... someone has to be!

Someone has to set a high water mark and then look back down into the abyss and say, "pull your ass outta there now!" why not us?

Why is it so difficult for black folk to recognize that, yes, we have classism in our culture. Afterall, there's always someone happy to tell me I'm "acting white"... when I use a word with more than 3 syllables in it, right? Why is it ok for "them" to think so little of themselves...but for "us" to not think so highly of ourselves...?

What's wrong with being black, have more than one college degree, good credit, at least one nice suit, options in the career arena and a fat financial portfolio? Why can't I start a business based on my creative talents and be successful? Why can't a person get a passport and go somewhere other than the Caribbean? Damn, people, there's a big world out there!

Why is having a Lexus parked in front of Section 8 housing considered the best thing a black person can do? Why is wanting to work for the city the most wonderful thing a person can do?

I mean, seriously, there are actually black folk in this country who didn't vote for Barack Obama for president, not because he was unqualified, but because he was an "uppity negro" and not even a full breed negro at that... what the hell?

Ladies and gents... if you are an elitist... embrace your classism, rise above the fear of being called "white" or a "sell out" or an "uppity negro", simply because you like to listen to NPR or own a few books and use your computer for things other than downloading rap music and porn. wait... I just had a moment, didn't I? sorry. ha

Be the best elitist you can be! Be the role model for a generation of people who truly believe its the height of the social ladder to be the local drug dealer or pimp! Hold you head high and act like the educated thug/fool/bitch/slut/whatever... you are...

I don't care what Michael Dyson said... Bill Cosby was right... and he's a great elitist, dammit.

Fraser, king of elitists, would be so proud of you... right?

I truly thought it was my imagination
as I stared out at the precipitation...

damn, its raining again, why?

Warnings and watches, lightening and thunder...
this weather sometimes really makes a body ... wonder

when will summer come?

With wild anticipation and anxious joy
I glance at the new swim suit like its a brand new toy

will I ever get to the beach?

Oh summer, oh summer! The greatest of seasons
the one I love for so many reasons...

where the hell are you?

Yesterday it was 69 degrees today 90 degrees...
Manic depression in climatology is so 21st century...

can you medicate for that?

Sweet summer, blessed summer! Finally you've arrived...
I'm off to the festivals, parties and hope I survive!

dang its hot, when will fall be here?

I love you sweet summer, most warm time of year
Time to visit loved ones far and near...

let me stop now, its tan time!

My husband and I had breakfast at 6am this morning at a Cracker Barrel about 90 miles south of Louisville, Kentucky. This is important to know as the place wasn't open when we first pulled up, we were 2 of only 7 customers in the joint and it was quiet.... anomalies in the Cracker Barrel universe. That's for people who insist Cracker Barrel never closes and always has at least 5 buses parked in the lot.

Anywho, our server, a lovely young lady who informed us that her name was Melinda, bounced over to our table, asked if we wanted anything to drink and told us what the specials were. We gave her all the necessary information and smiled at the thought of it all.

Ok, I'll give you a few minutes to look at the menu and I'll be back with your drinks in a moment. Absolutely!

I looked up from my attempt at the peg game (I WILL get one peg, I WILL! I WILL!) and smiled at her enthusiasm. She returned a few moments later with hot tea and ice water and took our orders. She ended her review of our discussion thusly:

Ok, let me get this in for you. Do you need anything in the meantime?

No, thank you.

ok, ABSOLUTELY!

Now, if you know ME... you know I am a student of human behavior, and I had a live one here. Hubby glanced and me and kicked me just as I opened my mouth. Oh, I'll leave it alone. As she walked away, I whispered:

But, she's ... interesting. So... robotic. Please daddy, let me play with her!

No. Behave.

*pout*

We sat talking about how much fun we were about to have practicing our empty nest skills fot the next 6 weeks (the chilluns are in Florida working like hebrew slaves sans straw, as it should be) when Melinda returned with our meals.

May I have some hot sauce please? (I regretted asking as soon as I said it)

ABSOLUTELY!

Thanks.

(huge grin from me)

She came back with the hot sauce, all smiley faced and happy to serve us when she glanced out the window and jumped. A bus was pulling into the lot. She acted like it was Christmas and Jesus was waving at her.

A bus in the lot! A bus in the lot everyone!

She ran off to the back to tell whoever was back there her happy news.

She got busy after that, as the bus was full of people and all. At every single table she worked, she happily ended every discussion with ABSOLUTELY!

I wasn't the only one that noticed. I know just enough spanish to laugh at the comment the nice grandmother made 2 tables over and recognized the body language at the table next to me (eye roll gave it away).

She eventually returned to us, check in hand.

Can I get you nice people anything else?

No, we're good, thanks.

No, THANK YOU! ABSOLUTELY!!!

I smiled, hubby gave me that "don't do it" look and we left the dining room.

At the register as my husband pulled out money to pay for the check, the cashier asked if we enjoyed our meal....

We responded in unison:

ABSOLUTELY!!!!

Ok, I know, I haven't been here in ages... I've been busy... really busy... but, as of Monday the 22nd, I'll have so much time on my hands I might just accomplish a few things... with that said... consider this:

I promised myself when I started this blog that it would be used to post up all my random thought, so I'd be able to find them if I needed them in the future. You see, there's a history of dementia in my mother's family, and it appears we all simply lose our minds eventually. Its important that my words remain "out there somewhere"... as I've determined that they are special and someone needs to read them....

With that said, I did something really special today. After months of "finding myself" and making "proclamations" about what I have determined is my focus and purpose, at least temporarily, in life... I bought the domain for this site.

I just pulled out my credit card and bought the damned thing. Just like that. It was liberating... seeing how I AM The Synergistic Pen... I should OWN the name. So be it...

I also linked this mess of mine to my blackberry, so watch out... I'll be writing and taking pictures and video while running loose in the universe... you have been warned....

let the writing, considering, discussing, observing, commenting on, questioning, laughing at, crying about, and all that jazz... continue... in earnest!!!!

Today is Wednesday, May 13, 2009. There are 6 days left in the school year in my district....(thank you God)...

We just finished up some placement testing for the high school students and I was sitting in my classroom staring off into space wondering what sort of trouble I could get into this summer when 2 students wandered into the classroom and asked to speak to me.

I said sure and focused as the two of them fidgeted and fumbled with each other.

"Mrs. S. we have something we need to tell you."
(holding breath) "ok"

"We wanted to thank you for being our science teacher. We've learned so much about biology this year and we had so much fun learning it all. We didn't like science before and now we love it. Thank you, we love you."

(still holding breath)
"Wow"

"Oh, yeah, I've decided to major in biology when I go to college." one of them chimed in.

(trying not to cry)

"Wow"
"Why do you keep saying wow?"
"Cus, teachers never have students tell them these sorts of things. We never know at the end of the year if what we've worked so hard on pounding into your heads has stuck or if you even care. Thank you both for your compliment and your love. I appreciate it."

They both smiled at me and hugged me... then wandered off to lunch.
I sat there a moment longer. A coworker came in and asked what I was doing for lunch.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing. I had just asked God to tell me if I should teach next year or pursue something different. He just sent me the answer. That's all."

This is why I get up every morning...
This is why I spend late nights researching topics...
This is why I pray...
This is why I love teaching....

I love teaching science. I love children.... I also have a particular affinite for my personal sanity...

A couple of weeks ago, my love for education and educating was challenged by the last person I expected to have to deal with in my job... my supervisor...

now, she's a nice lady... professional about 95% of the time... knows just enough about being an administrator to run the place without all hell breaking loose...

but dammit... if you say you aren't very good with science... then say out my way... cus I am good with science...

I won't go into details.. as I've rehashed it all in my head about a dozen times...
but... I learned two things from my discussion with my boss...

I've gotten better at not going completely nuts on a human...
I need to roll my ass on up outta the joint...


you know you've done all you can do at a particular job or in a particular situation when, for reasons that defy explanation, you, the non confrontational, "whatever dude, can I go back to my classroom" type, gets a discipline report...

I assessed the issue while drinking daquiris by the Mississippi River down in New Orleans last week... and I've decided, with a new business to run, associates who want me to help them set up networking scenarios and having the prospect of having to teach the class of 2011 physics next year looming before me like some sort of deranged monster... that its time for me to git gone... for real...

a friend of mine... working in a completely different industry, has come to the same conclusion about her life...

folk are pushing buttons that used to never even register... but now... well, going postal is so 90s... so why bother?

What's a working girl to do?

I know...

get a life...

get back to you when I get one.... ok?

peace out humanoids...

ok, so I've finally done it. I've worked diligently nights and weekends, straining my eyes and working my fingers... and the new online jewelry store is ready for launch!!!

beginning Monday, April 20th, my creations will be available for purchase fron "Naturally.Elemental Jewelry". I"m starting simply enough, just some earrings. But as time passes (and I find more time), more complex pieces, like necklaces, bracelets, anklets and headbands will begin to appear on the site.

Please check it out, sign the guestbook and link to Youtube to see the first commercial (see, I made a commercial!) for the venture.

Yes, I"m scared to death about this... but, it was time, this was the moment, and I refuse to say "no" to myself anymore...

let's do the damned thing, shall we?

see you in cyberspace!

this is a piece of performance art created by a friend of mine... check out some more of his art at Screven Gallery

This guy is someone I have been cooresponding with in a faith and religion forum for several years. He's been in and out of Iraq now 2 or 3 times... hopefully, this will be his last tour. He's the coolest person and is deserving of all our prayers and love....

He and all the others stationed in the Middle East need our support, our love and our full attention.

Drop him a comment on the youtube page. Tell him "doc" sent ya!

and that's all I have to say about it...

Baby Faced Boy Fathers Child

On one level, I suppose he thought he was protecting them. We'll never know. He was a man who was trying to do the right thing. He was married, raising his family, feeding them, clothing them, kept a roof over their heads. Then the bottom fell out from under him. Or as far as he was concerned, it had. Read his note.


I wanted to attempt to see this from the point of a man in America. A BLACK man in America.
So I asked my husband why he thinks Mr. Lupeo did it.

My husband's life mirrors his. After a moment's thought, he spoke quietly.

It is the job of the man to provide for his family. Its a hard job, even when things are going well. When something goes wrong, we panic. Some handle it betters than others. Some don't handle it at all. I know I wouldn't hurt my family tho. I think maybe he was afraid they they'd be separated or people would think less of him. Being unemployed makes one feel impotent.

As a woman, I could see that. My husband has been unemployed once since we've been married. It was the worst 6 weeks of his life. We fussed, he was angry and bored. He hated that I was struggling to pay the bills and he couldn't support or help me, which is what he promised my father, before God that he would always do. He was taught to be the provider, and couldn't be. That has to be the worse feeling in the world.

Mr. President said it would get bad. This tragedy is the human example of what happens in a recession. Its not the same as the selfish act of suicide after losing millions of dollars in the stock market; its the selfish, yet, somehow, unselfish act of trying to find a way to make the pain that all will suffer because of the loss of income just go away.

I'm not suggesting in any way, shape or form that what Mr. Lupeo did was right. Killing of self or others isn't the way to solve any life problem. We'll never know what exactly was going on in that household, with those people, with the dynamic of that family, that brought them to this place.

All we can do is pray for their souls. All we should do is reflect on what may happen to US in the next few months or years, and make sure we "do the right thing" for ourselves and those we love.

Rest In Peace Lupeo Family

I intentionally waited 24 hours before posting this one... I needed time to reflect... and to consider the words heard by our new president AND the people I encountered along the way....

I've seen some wonderful things in my life. I've experienced some amazing happenings. I've witnessed some awesome situations...

This was better than all of that; indescribeably better. It was as if I was standing there with all of my ancestors; they were watching this event through my eyes, my heart, my spirit...

We were happy, excited, laughing with total strangers and playing with little children. We had conversations with Kenyans, Nigerian, British, Canadians, Australians, Germans, Brazilians, Swedes and people from almost every state in the union.

When the oath was taken, the place became silent. Eerily silent. And then we cheered. One, perfect cheer. We danced and hugged and cried.

When President Obama began his speech, it became silent again. If a blind person had stepped onto the mall, they would have never known anyone was there. I took pictures of people simply in awe, mentally analyzing every movement he made, watching his face, digesting his every word.

And then it was over. I hugged people whose name I never learned. I was kissed by people I'll never see again. I screamed with people that will go home new, different, changed.

There were not arguments, no fights, a few snags in the exit from the mall, more snags on the Metro, but we had FUN!!! It was worth it.

We spent a few minutes just sitting, in the cold, watching and listening to the people. The college students from Princeton climbed trees; people handed their cameras up to them so they could take pictures of the crowds. The fundamental religious groups shouted scripture from megafones to us, their captive audience. People commented on the First Amendment rights of those who shout through megafones and we asked them to be quiet. They stopped, for a few minutes. The park service policeman told me it was ok to lean on his car to rest my legs.

The group of school children from Alaska had on bright blue hats, the ones from California had on bright red. The large, extended family from Florida all had on green. I was interviewd by Cyberpress/Montreal and the BBC Radio Network (still looking for my words out there) We blew kisses at the National Guardsmen who wouldn't let us cross the street. My friend who was a volunteer at the parade called to tell me how much he hated cold weather.

I smiled at the text message from my son (I HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT MA!! WOO HOO) I dozed off in the booth at Burger King. We had a really meaningful conversation with a guy with a fabulous Jamaican accent who "worked for the government". We called 911 when an older gentleman tripped and fell on a loose grate on the sidewalk and hit his head.

The student council from the elementary school in Dallas all had on yellow and black and most of them fell asleep on the train. The young people on their way to the Youth Ball sitting behind us were dressed to the 9s. We cheered again as a woman in a ball gown came running down the escalator and stopped, pulled off her heels and raced to catch the train about to pull off (she made it) There were women in ball gowns and men in tuxes at our train stop. It was cold. It was amazing. I slept like a baby....

It had been a long time since I'd been to Washington. Its very different from the what I remember. Yet, somehow, its the same. Or is it? History was made this day, and I got to see it. I'll have a DVD of all the pictures taken by me and my "correspondents" in time for Black History Month... I hope...

Man I'm tired. Good.

I'm cold. Ok, I admit it...

with that said, I must say, I had the most amazing day today. After figuring out how to get to the Metro station without getting lost we stood in a long line with people from all over the country... Minnesota folk in front of us, Michigan, Indiana, Iowa and North Dakota behind us...

we were excited, giddy... joyful even...

for some, it was about Bush FINALLY being gone... for others, it was about Obama FINALLY taking office...

for me, it was about listening to the words of people who had something to say... and so much was said...

After getting tickets, finding our way to the train and riding into the city, we found ourselves among even more people, simply NEEDING to be there... old, young, citizens and non (there was an African man standing in front of the White House yelling in his native language as his friend videotaped him. When he finished, he bent down, kissed the concrete, stood crying and simply walked away. I was awestruck). There were protestors, celebrators, performance artists, students completing service projects (one was dressed like bush with a prison suit on)

We were all acting like tourists, yet we weren't. We were acting like children in a candy store, yet we weren't. We were/are happy.

I'm tired. I swear I am. I'm so excited I don't know if I'll be able to sleep.

More later...

Ok, its 8:30 pm and I'm sitting in a hotel room in Culpeper, Virginia listening alternately to my cousin read the local paper to me, and the Pittsburgh/Ravens game. I'm exhausted.

Travel tip: buy a map of the place you're going: Google Maps sucks.... we spent 1.5 hours wandering up and down a mountain on a secondary road we didn't need to be on...

Another travel tip: NEVER NEVER NEVER answer the cell phone when you KNOW its your "know it all" uncle on the other end....

Culpeper is a nice little place. We have lucked out; its relatively warm (ok, the people here think its cold), its 34 degrees (it was 15 when we left the house this morning) I've called a couple of friends, checked in with hubby and mapped out the gameplan for Monday.

This is gonna be fun!

Its 2:54 am, Sunday, Janaury 18th as I write this. I'm dress, packed and waiting for my cousin who lives 20 miles away and who said she'd be here at 2:30. She called at 2:22 to let me know she was just putting her stuff in the car.

Oh, did I mention we're on our way to Washington to be Obama groupies? Yeah, two crazy chicks from Chicago driving in the middle of the night on ice covered roads to a place we'd rather visit in the spring.We're going to see something we might not see again in our lifetime.

The Inauguration. Hot Damn!!!

I am taking the laptop and will drop my random thoughts here as we enjoy our little adventure.

I will say right up front, I'm nervous. Not because of the road conditions or the trip itself. Not even because of all that I'm sure we'll encounter along the way. I'm nervous because... hell, I don't know. Maybe its not nervousness, maybe its anxiousness. I've invested a great deal of time and energy in "pretending" we're just going to the inauguration, when in fact, yes, this is probably going to be the most historic event of the century.

I wish Daddy were here to see it.

I wish all my ancestors were here to see it. THIS is what they got up every morning and endured insult and injury and pain and suffering for...
THIS is it... the opportunity for someone who WANTS to be more, to simply BE more...
and as I've said before, there is no longer any excuse for the rest of us now, is there?

What is so special about Barack Obama that he came from nothing, and decided he would be something, and then proceeded to allow nothing or noone keep him from what he desired.

Ok, gotta go... cuzin is here!!! Off we go into the wild, frozen EAST!!!

more later...

In a previous life, I had a job where I had to be able to "read" body language. It was imperative that I listen with both my ears and my eyes to what was being presented to me.... I loved that job... I swear I did...

I took a moment to watch a video clip of the 4 living presidents and president elect Obama as they met in the Oval Office. I immediately noticed something interesting. So, I scouted out some still photos to make sure I was seeing what I THOUGHT I was seeing... and there it was.

Body Language that, if you consider who was doing what, says alot about the man and who he is or was or might become, in this job.

Let's take a look at the "boys" shall we?

Photos

5 men, standing:

Daddy President : hands in pocket, left shoulder deferentially behind the soon to be president, laughing at comments being made, glad as hell he gets to go back to Maine or Texas or whereever the hell he's living now, when this is over. He is the most comfortable person in the picture.

Mr. President-Elect: hands folded in front of him, left shoulder also in a deferential position, (or is that beingg "pushed" back?) smiling and quite possibly still pinching himself over all of this. He's ready to take the job, knowing these men will be of help to him. He's patiently waiting for the current president to "go away". He makes a nice "bush" sammich there, don't he?

Mr. President: hands at sides, palms open, standing obviously, and intentionally one step ahead of the two men behind him... the one that he replaced and the one that will replace him, he alternately turns his back to them both; he's still in charge, if only for a couple of weeks. Respect him dammit.

Mr. Playboy President: hands behind his back, standing stiffly. Interesting alignment, standing closely to the current president. Or is that trying to get away from his neighbor on the left? Its generally known he and Carter don't like each other, but damn.. play nice will ya?

Mr. Senior Stateman President: hands at his side, notice the right hand almost in a fist position, and/or held stiffy in fron of him... he is allergic to Clinton. Standing apart from the group (again, doesn't like Clinton, who decided to put them next to each other anyway?) He, like Daddy Bush, relishes invitations to the big house, but looks forward to getting back to the farm.


now... make note, this is just MY observation... I can respect the 3 formers not saying a great deal, dubya and barry are having THEIR moment; but behaviors don't lie. If you check the video, Clinton, the attention seeker, keeps poking his head into the shot, Carter is trying to escape, Daddy wants to sit down and take a nap, and the once and future presidents are jocking for position...

man I love politics, even the unspoken stuff... don't you?

So the other day, I made the decision NOT to make New Year's resolutions because I knew I'd last about 5 days before breaking them all. In doing this, I found myself making DETERMINATIONS instead...

For instance, I've determined to get my online jewelry store online by the first of February. I made this determination after having 2 conversations while at a Kwanzaa Festival in Chicago.

The first conversation was with a man from New York, who is a tailor. He brings his beautiful afrocentric inspired clothing to every single event in Chicago. This means, of course, that this man is doing well in his business. Aziz Fashions has been around for a while, with a shop in New York and the whole bit. The man has a website,(and I've misplaced his card, so can't give you the addy, sorry) but hasn't begun selling online. Which has always bothered me, cus when I need a new hat, dammit, I have to wait til a festival to get one... We always laugh about that...

So I told him he needed to get an online store. His eyes lit up when I said that. I gave him the name of one that was recommended to me and he asked if I wanted to be on his mailing list. (of course I did). I bought a hat and a shirt for hubby and I moved on.

The second conversation I had was with a woman from Racine, Wisconsin. She makes jewelry, same as me. Beautiful stuff! We talked, I picked out a few things and then I asked her if she had an online store. She proudly told me that her store would be launching the end of January.She has a myspace site available. Shea Brojae's LLC is a collaborative effort between her and a sister in law who is a loctician. Good for them! I bought three pairs of earrings, a choker and an african walking stick. We shared our favorite jewelry wholesaler websites and she admired my earrings and headband (both my designs) and I went on my way.

On the ride home, I thought about it. What am I waiting for? Isn't this supposed to be the year of "no more excuses"??

I am determined, ladies and gents... to do this one thing this year. There are other things I have promised myself I'd do. I determine to get those things done also. (yes, cheerleaders, I am working on the novel)

If others can live out their creative dreams, why can't I? Why can't we all? You do have a dream, don't you? Are you determined to make it happen?