Toni Speaks...

While surfing one day, I decided to check up on one of my favorite authors, Ms. Toni Morrison... and my googling lead me to a very interesting site.

On the page was a letter, written by Ms. Morrison back in January 2008. It was a letter to Senator Barak Obama. She was endorsing his candidacy for the presidency of the United States.

In endorsing him, she gave honor and showed admiration for Senator Clinton:

"I have admired Senator Clinton for years. Her knowledge always seemed to me exhaustive; her negotiation of politics expert. However I am more compelled by the quality of mind (as far as I can measure it) of a candidate. I cared little for her gender as a source of my admiration, and the little I did care was based on the fact that no liberal woman has ever ruled in America. Only conservative or "new-centrist" ones are allowed into that realm."

and she was clear on her color blindness in making her decision:

"Nor do I care very much for your race[s]. I would not support you if that was all you had to offer or because it might make me "proud."

She spoke of his creativity, wisdom and courage. She spoke of how ambition was the least of these with him. She consider when we last had a leader so vibrant.
When, I wondered, was the last time this country was guided by such a leader? Someone whose moral center was un-embargoed? Someone with courage instead of mere ambition? Someone who truly thinks of his country's citizens as "we," not "they"? Someone who understands what it will take to help America realize the virtues it fancies about itself, what it desperately needs to become in the world?

Her words are hopeful, excited even, at the possibilities that can come from having this man as the leader of our nation. I tend to agree with her. This is an exciting time. This will be a revealing experience. I'm glad I'm here to witness it.

I felt compelled to ask this woman that question today. She's the sort of person that rarely has anything positive to say. She spends most of her conversation time ponificating about how grand her life is, even though her requirements for friendship and happiness are so stringent she could probably make satan sad...

I just asked... simple question...

she took a moment before responding...

"I am greatly loved by my family."

"Ummm, yeah, but who would cry for you at your funeral?"

"Why THEY would, naturally!"

"You sure about that?"



I moved on to a different conversation with another person and was laughing about something more pleasant when she blurted out,

"Not only would my family cry for me, I have lot of friends and acquaintances that love me too. They'd all cry for me."


"You don't believe me, do you?"

"I have no choice but to beleive you. I think maybe you don't believe you."

Naturally, she balked. Oh well.

Who will cry for you at your funeral? Who on this planet, loves you enough, has been tolerant of "you" to such a degree, that they will find themselves overwhelmed with grief at your passing?

Now, I'm not talking about family, who are kinda obligated to be upset... but the people you have allowed into your life; the people you have voluntarily opened up your heart to.

I bowl once a week with some coworkers. As I sat last wednesday, watching people act a complete ass, laughing and enjoying each others company, I considered our relationship....

would these people cry at my funeral? Have I given them any reason to give a damn about me? What sort of impact have I had on them? Yes, I'm the "go to" person...or so it seems. Right, I know my stuff. Sure, I can handle responsibility. But, what do they see in me? What have I shared with them? Should they give a damn about me when I die?

And then there are those I HAVE let in. The 2 or 3 people I consider my closest friends. Yes, they will cry. What we have shared with each other is precious. Not speaking at least once a week is hard enough on us...if only for a moment...

"What chu doin'?"
"Nuttin, what chu doin'?"

Who will cry for you at your funeral? Who will miss you? Why will they miss you? What have you given them that they know they'll never get from anyone else once you are gone?

I need to write my eulogy. Peace.

Servant or Friend?

John 15

Love and Joy Perfected

9 “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.


I had a "conversation" with someone a day or two ago that proved to be enlightening...

The above noted passage is one of my most treasured in the bible...

and I mentioned that to someone...

he asked why... I told them, because I'd hoped that I'd finally stopped being a servant and had become a friend to Jesus...


"We're all servants of our savior!!!!"...

"Ummmm, not all of us."

"If you aren't a servant of your savior, you aren't saved!!!!"...

"Ok". (you know me...I let the savior do the talking...and old boy wasn't hearing him)

so, after reading the passage above...and, for that matter the entire chapter, are you a servant or a friend...and why?


George Carlin died.

Why did I have to find this out while driving to work.... I nearly hit a parked car...

I'm "old" enough to remember a time when George was considered "risque"... when what he had to say would result in arguements in bars and investigations by the FBI...

My father had an album of his, I don't recall which one...but I remember he's make us go to bed and he'd have the sound turned down low and he's laugh out loud at what George said.

George Carlin is dead.

Why did I spend all afternoon looking for the following clip...cus its my favorite Carlin bit? (football rules yall, nuff sed)

Comedians really aren't funny anymore...I'm not sure if this is because there's nothing funny out there anymore to discuss, or if comedians have lost all sense of morality and no longer have an interest in expounding on the state of the world...

People like Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor,and George Carlin... no more...

maybe its just me... maybe I'm not finding the "funny" in sex, race and social programing...

oh well...

George Carlin is dead.

As Florida Evans, from Good Times said....

damn, damn DAMN

Sunday Morning

I woke up this morning and did what I always do.

I thanked God for waking up one more day and asked him what he had for me to do to do for him today...

I laid quietly and waited. My bedroom door flew open and in raced my favorite non human: my cat Michaela. She jumped on the bed, made a beeline for my husband's chest, and began slapping him in the face!

He jumped, grunted and snarled at her and she slid off his chest and down between us. I was laughing at this display when the phone rang. It was one of my cousins calling to let me know her mother was at the hospital. Her mother had fallen ill overnight and she was worried about her. Naturally, I insisted that we pray right that moment.

When I got off the phone with her, I returned to the "discussion" next to me. Husband talking to the cat: cat listening intently as he rubbed her head.

Sometimes, I think God just wants me to be there for people. I was there for my aunt (she's gonna be ok) and I enjoyed the moment of playfulness between a man and his cat.

Ain't life grand?

Dang Dude!

ok... a moment for the cause... yanno... that time when, no matter how hard we try to be professional, upright, educated and in control of ourselves, nature, life and everything seem to make us "ack up"

My cousin just graduated from the University of Chicago Saturday morning. She now has a Bachelor of Science degree in Human Development. She will be attending a Post Bach program at a local university to take some core science classes (ahhh, science) and then she's off to medical school.

Meanwhile, my niece graduated from high school a couple of weeks ago. She will be starting college. She wants to teach. She will also be attending school locally. She's very excited.

Then there is yet another cousin who will be graduating next year with a degree in education. My nephew will graduate from high school next summer. My daughter will be a junior this time next year. My son graduates in 2 years.

sigh. I remember when it was me and my sisters and cousins. We were young, we had dreams, we wanted to change the world. We all have done quite well for ourselves, I'd like to think. Its nice watching our progeny head off into the world.

I grew up in an era when black women either became nurses or teachers and made no real effort to be anything else. In our family, we just happen to be nuturers and teaching and medicine thing works for us. But, there are lawyers and financiers and business entrepeneurs also in our family.

We are all young gifted and black...even those of us who are young anymore. New careers have sprouted out of old. I teach now, after years of working as an engineer. My middle sister the nurse is now an agricultural entrepeneur, babygirl, used to be a software engineer for NASA; she's a stay at home mom that works part time as a substitute teacher. And on and on...we all have dreams, we all have goals, we all have tried to be role models for our children....

Well, watching the new batch of "us" go out into the world, I have to say, I'm proud. I know how hard it will be for them, but I'm excited for them too. The same way someone was excited for me.

To be young, gifted, and black. Yeah.

I make jewelry. Earrings, necklaces, headbands, ankle and wrist bracelets. Its something I do to decompress at the end of a long week. Its fun.

I recently made a charm bracelet for my daughter's best friend; a simple piece with charms my daughter picked out personally. I was telling someone about the charm and they wanted to see a picture of I posted it in a forum we both interact on .... she loved it...

one of the resident idiots didn't like it... and proceeded to comment thusly. He was complaining about charms being symbols of satan and how christians shouldn't wear jewelry, etc... I only laughed.

"Godly women shouldn't wear makeup or jewelry! Godly people don't wear graven images on their bodies!"...

this person has a photo of CeCe Winans (gospel singer) on his profile. Full makeup...nice necklace and earrings... I mentioned that...

"I'm not idolizing her. I'm a married man. I think your daughter and her friend are lesbian lovers! Why would a woman give another woman jewelry?"

"What rock you been under all your life? Women give gifts of jewelry all the time. BTW, you're married. Haven't you ever given your wife a gift of jewelry... I KNOW she has a pair of diamond earrings... little crosses...right?"

no response.


So I need for someone to explain something to me. Where do some "christians" get their concepts of reality as far as the culture and customs of the religion is concerned. And why are these same people so hell bent of shoving their distorted sense of reality down everyone's throat....all the while doing EXACTLY what they want, which usually involved doing the opposite of what they want everyone else to do?

I need to understand why it never occurs to people to have a clue before opening their mouths and making complete fulls of themselves. Is the blindness that is the "Christian Religion" so ingrained in some that it would never cross their minds to consider where they get some of their notions?

I don't call myself a christian anymore. Some people take issue with this naturally. Usually people who are stuck somewhere between total degradation and middle of the road christian dogmatic insanity.

Don't get me wrong, Jesus Christ is my savior. He is the Son of God and I have and am maintaining my relationship with God the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth and all within both.

I just ain't got time for the dogma. Or the doctrine. Or the noise. I'm not a Pauline religionist. Christians are. I am a follower of the way. I stand outside the gate waiting for my savior to return and cleanse this place of its nonsense. I know what set of instructions are the CORRECT set of instructions and REFUSE to let the "church" tell me how to live my life...

I'm not spiritually retarded. I was once, a long time ago, but not anymore. I do what the bible tells me to do. I ask, and it is given to me, I seek and I find, I knock, and the door swings wide open for me...

I don't require the permission of anyone but God to think, to act and to consider. I use my bible as my GUIDE, not my crutch. I see myself as Jesus' disciple, not his servant. I know who my creator is...and I answer to Him and Him alone.

So...when this charm bracelet thing came up...I was on the floor laughing at it. The notion of witchcraft and whoredom and homosexuality that came from the mind of the person that was accusing me of these things amazed me considering he thought himself to be in full control of his spiritual life...

He is SOOOOO spiritually retarded. I hope he gets over it...

I'm going to make some earrings...maybe I'll use this leftover cross my daughter got...


If you click on the title of this post, you will be directed to something I found interesting. It reminded me of when I was a kid, living in a quiet neighborhood full of families, you know, 2 parents, at least 1 income, car on the driveway, flower box at the window.

Its a picture of Barak Obama riding a bike. Although they aren't shown in the picture, apparently he's with his two daughters. The man, who is now the Democratic nominee for President of the United States, is tooling around the quiet neighborhood he lives in with his daughters. He is enjoying being "daddy" for a minute. My daddy loved being "daddy".

The comments on the blog I found this picture on are...odd, to say the least. As I commented on the blog, it seems every 4 years, someone decides to mention family values and the breakdown of the family unit, and here, on a bike, with a helmet on, is a man, a powerful man, doing the family thing.

And all most people have to say about it is... "he looks like a dork".

I read some of the comments twice, three times even. I didn't get it. This man, who just spent an entire year being everything BUT a father, fighting and scratching to become what he wants to become... spends the afternoon out with his daughters, doing NORMAL stuff...and people think he's a dork.

Well hooray for the dorks. There should be more dorks, and geeks and nerds in this world...out riding bikes with their daughters. Perhaps, they'd be more inclined to get excited if he were out cheating on his wife or somewhere developing a game plan to smear McCain. That's the american way, yanno.

Wow, let's see...Saturday...

I was stuck in my basement cus a few tornados came through. I was on the phone with my sisters, who were supposed to be on their way up to help clean out our our mom's house so we can have it listed for sale, rescheduling their trip, my husband and son went on a job hunting spree (for the boy, not the hubby)... and, my daughter and I, before the storms came through, washed a few walls down, cus they were just filthy.

oh yeah, I fed the cat.

Dorky,family stuff...
isn't that what people with families do on Saturdays? Isn't that NORMAL?

The fascination with the Obama family and thier "normal" behavior apparently gives people reason to pause. I wonder if its a "black" thing... afterall, we're not "family oriented"... we hang out on corners selling drugs and our children are hoodlums and our men are either in prison or dead... so the concept of a black family that kinda acts like the Huxtables (which everyone knows was FANTASY) has people interested.

Maybe its not a "black" thing. Maybe its simply shocking for people to see politicians act like people and not robots. You know... spouses standing on a stage smiling and TOUCHING each other, stuff like that.

I really need to take a few psychology classes; I need to be able to use the correct language as I speak of the odd behavior of people this election year...

Its like they've never seen a family before....



I have a daughter. She'll be 19 years old in 3 days. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her. I didn't know it was "her"...but I knew there was someone special inside of me. I recognized that my life was about to change and it would never be the same again...because of the life growing inside of me.

The day she was born, I was a bit disappointed. See, I come from a family full of females...and in my mind, I wanted, NEEDED a boy to raise...

Yet, there she was, screaming and wet and small...perfect in every way. It has been a joy to raise her. She's independent, opinionated, focused and determined. She is MY daughter.

Today, as we drove home after a morning of shopping, her cousin, a year younger, and a recent high school graduate, called asking advice concerning a young man. I listened to my daugther as she spoke of being patient and focusing on what she needed to do as she starts college in the fall. I listened as she repeated over and over again, "girl, he's just some dude..."

these two young women, only daugthers, with boys all around them (yeah, I finally had that son of mine)... have learned to be there for each other. I'm glad. In my day, I had sisters to share my secrets with...yet, for some reason I didn't. I've been thinking about that lately.

I've been thinking about whose important to me, why they're important to me, and what it takes for me to "let people in".

The conversation ended with a laugh and plans for a 19th birthday celebration this coming week. I'll spend time with my sisters... maybe we'll talk about what we did, in our day...

OK, and?

I drove down to florida a week ago... I was feeling a bit, well, retarded. But I'm better now. I like driving at night, when the traffic is light and I can take advantage of the air stream dispersal from semi tractor trailers. So, I missed some billboards of interest as I passed through Kentucky.

I didn't miss them on the way back. The first one was simple enough:


and all I could think was....ok, and?

so I thought about it for a few minutes, and considered the "reality" of Jesus being real and what that meant to me and I was good to go on the matter.

About 20 miles up the road, another sign:


ok, and? I was a bit irritated now, as I, personally didn't feel obliged to have what would be essentially the same conversation with myself concerning Jesus. So, I considered God instead. I was ok when I finished that contemplation; I have this really cool relationship with God that keeps me very focused and on task as far as my life journey is concerned.

Content and humming a little tune as I continued up the highway, yet another sign appeared:


Yippie! Now this was something to get excited about. Then I thought about all the conversations I've had with people who want to try to consider WHEN and WHERE Jesus would come back. I thought about the nutcases who say he'll show up in a spaceship, and the dear little religious neophytes who insist they aren't worthy of having Jesus in their presence. I started to chuckle a little, waking up my aunt sitting in the passenger seat next to me.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about how great God is and how much I love him and what is feels like to know that because I've accepted the teachings of his son as my own, how content my life has become."

I smiled at her and she smiled back, shifted in her seat and said sleeplily...

"ok, and?"....

I smiled, and drove on north thinking about that "and"...

amen and amen for that... huh?

My father used to call it "the stark reality of things". I have always considered it something to be amused about...

Racism is one of those things that noone actually wants to talk about but lots of people spend a great deal of time talking around. In this era of political correctness, where we want to call a spade a spade but don't want others to say shame on you for acknowledging the spade in the room, I have found it frustrating having a conversation about the current political campaign.

Here we are, for the first time in the history of the United States of America, with what is an almost perfect blending of race, creed, color and gender in our presidental campaign: and the media is being polite.

I've taken to watching CNN lately, mainly because I can stomach it better than oh say, FOXNEWS or MSNBC... I've also gone out of my way to listen to NPR, who, some say, is very liberal...but, I don't see it that way... all the media outlets, be they television or radio, or even print, have been walking on eggs...

Is this race about a black man running against a white woman? or white men versus black men? or women against men? or rich against poor? or educated versus uneducated?

Have we become so polarized in our thinking of OURSELVES that we are making choices at the polls based on who we THINK we are and how the various candidates can relate to US... as opposed to recognizing that, to be truthful, none of the candidates are in a position to clean up the mess that is being left to them?

I have been very torn about this campaign. I am a registered independent. Have been for a while. So, I have this nasty tendency to check everyone out and then ask what camp they live in.

I am pleased as punch to see a woman running for the highest office in the land. Its about damned time ...geez... I know the struggle of womanhood; I can imagine how difficult it has been for Ms. Clinton to become who she is now. I wonder what she had to give up to get there.... I know, for me to be where I am, such as it is in the eyes of others, I did give up a great deal.

I am also prouder than a peacock about an african american running for the office. I have had to remind people that this isn't the first time or even the second time that this has happened. Folk tend to forget Ms. Chisholm back in the 70s.... the double burden of being black and female fell upon her. For Mr. Obama, the burden of simply being black seems to keep getting in the way. The fact that he's man just happens to freak out a few folk...but that's ok.

I have a warm spot also for the war veteran, oddly enough. My father was a veteran of the Korean War, and made sure we respected what men and women who fight for our freedoms have endured. Mr. McCain brings this sense of patriotism to the table that can not be ignored, yet, there are some who wonder if that's enough to get the job done.

What exactly are we afraid of when we consider these people. As of the writing of this post, Ms. Clinton has "suspended" her campaign, whatever that means...(there is commentary to be had concerning her behavior that will be discussed in a later post)...and Mr. Obama is the unofficial Democratic candidate. Mr. McCain is ready to start the battle with full force. Yet, we hesitate when we discuss it all.

Some say, women voted for Hillary because she was a woman.
Some say blacks voted for Barack because he was black.
Some say white men voted for John because he's a white man.

Did anyone vote for any of these people because of what they say they want to bring to the table? Does what is needed at the table even an issue.

Yes, health care is important.
Yes, the ending of our involvement in the conflicts in Afganistan and Iraq are important.
Yes, safety here in the States is an issue.
Yes, our relationships with other countries is a matter of concern.
Yes, the economic is something that someone needs to consider...NOW...

But we aren't discussing these things, are we?

The color of skin and whether the candidates have penises or vaginas and who can hold it together when people start talking stupid and whether or not their pastor is a nutcase or if they even have a pastor and what the spousal unit did twenty years ago that is now an embarassment is all we have time for. WHY?

Who decided we should give a damn about the dumb stuff?
Why don't we use our brains for their intended purposes?

What are you afraid of, really? tell me.

Starting Over...

About 3 months ago, I took this blog down. I didn't have time for it, didn't having anything to say, was busy with my life, and really overwhelmed with a few things.


did ya miss me? probably not, hardly anyone read this thing. oh well.

So, with a little consideration of what I want to discuss here and a lot of consideration on who I would like to have access to this, I've decided to do the following:

talk about God... cus, well, I like talking about God...

talk about politics...cus, well, its election season in the United States, and there are things I feel we should NOT allow the media to, I'll be playing watchdog for a few months...

talk about education...cus, dammit, I'm a teacher, so I'll feel the need to vent ocassionally...

talk about writing, including a piece or two or three, cus I write, and this is the place I put my thoughts out there....

now, anyone wanting to participate int this exercise in insanity is perfectly welcome to join me... bouncing thoughts off the heads of others is good for the spirit... and all our spirits can use some stimulation, right?

welcome to my world...put on your seatbelt

if you ain't grown enough for this... get out...