The Synergistic Pen

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~Marianne Williamson

OK... so I had my almost adult children open their presents Christmas Eve so I wouldn't have to be disturbed Christmas Morning.... that worked out well, they sat up half the night playing with the new Wii...

So... this morning I laid in bed staring at the ceiling and considered the day....

Christmas... I've lived through quite a few of them, happily, sadly, indifferently...

Those who get "up" for the day have spend weeks now telling me I should "celebrate"...

naturally I ask, celebrate what?

"Why Jesus' birth of course!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean "why"?"

"Well, I celebrate the life and teachings of Jesus everyday...so, to simply celebrate his birthday seems so... anticlimatic..."


Silence...

No offense nice people reading this (does anyone ever read my stuff, I wonder... oh well) I haven't put up a christmas tree in 9 years now; I haven't showed up for advent services or religious events or pagaents or things of that sort for years....

I DID go to a "christmas party"... that was fun... I got drunk...danced and did some karoake...

I've endured multiple versions of the same 15 most popular Christmas songs of all times, watched all the cool animated shows I loved watching as a child and even sent my mother a Christmas card...

Yet, at the end of it all... I smiled at the quiet of my house, my life, my spiritual health this morning...I sat at a table with my father's two remaining siblings and laughed about Christmas' past, and hung out with cousins and their small children as they played with their new toys and games...

I watched my daughter make plans to "hang out" later in the evening... and my son catch his best friend who moved away last year up on the neighborhood news...

No stressed out, overindulgence in shopping malls.
No sending cards to people who don't even acknowledge my existence the rest of the year...
No phone calls to say Merry Christmas to people I'd normally only call to get information from... and nothing else...

It was nice...
I went over the details of how Jesus came into the world... again...
I listened to my Handel's Messiah CD... immediately followed by the annual listening of my Charlie Brown CD...

and now... I"m watching a Mythbusters Marathon on Discovery.

So, THIS is Christmas...

I like it...

Happy Christmas, Merry New Year everyone!

field negro: See what you started Obama?

First... thank you to all the total strangers in the cyberuniverse who donated to my classroom project on Donorschoose.org! My yearbook camera project was fully funded and I should be receiving my equipment sometime after the first of the year. My yearbook staff appreciates it!

Second... you may have noticed, I left the widge for Donors Choose up. I have colleages in my building, community and all over the country who have projects out there that need funding. Look through the site and if something catches your fancy... drop them a dime or two to help them out. Support our public schools and our children. They ALL need our help to be successful.

Third... I'M GOING TO WASHINGTON!!! My cousin insists upon going to the inaugral, so after phone calls, private chats, prayer and penny pinching, we found a place to lay our heads and will at least get to hang out on the Washington Mall January 20th! I'm so psyched!!! stay tuned...

A little bit more... I have spent the last month working on the "movie" from my husband and my trip to the caribbean... I'll be posting that (hopefull) in a separate post so that sometime in January or February, when cabin fever sets in, we can all sigh at the thought of it being warm... SOMEWHERE on this planet...

Lastly... I don't celebrate Christmas... but, on the off chance I get caught up in some stuff and don't get back to this place to say something mindless... Happy Holidays Humans... and the rest of you!!!

ok... if you look above and to the right, I have added a widget that is, quite honestly, a shameless request for money.

I am a science teacher 4 hours of the day. I love it. But, the very last hour of the day, I treasure... I'm the yearbook sponsor. I work in a school that's been open now for only 4 years. We've never published a yearbook. THIS IS A BIG DEAL!!!!

Well, when I took on this endeavor with the Art Teacher and the 7 students who make up the staff, we began taking pictures with personal cameras. Which is cool... except when I forget to bring my camera to school!

So, I am requesting those in the universe who say they are all for being a benefit to public education. I need 4 digital cameras yall! Dang...

I found some nice ones, nice little Canons. The total price for them is about $640. I've had more than $300 donated so far. I only need $295 more to have the cameras purchased for us by Donorschoose.

If you feel this is a worthwhile charity, PLEASE donate to it. If you click on the title, you will be sent to a page that tells you all about me, my class, what we need, why we need it and how you can help us get it.

This request has been posted for a while...and there are only 9 more days in my posting time.

Please, I beg of you!!! Help my kids get their cameras so we can publish the greatest yearbook ever!!!

I thank you in advance for your donation!!

I hate this time of year.
Sue me.

Sometime right after Columbus Day (yanno, the celebration of the man that got lost and became famous for it) I see it coming... "THE SEASON"... the time of year when all sense of purpose and reason goes marching out the front door, not to be seen again until sometime in mid February... just in time for Valentine's Day... when you can start it all up again....

I went to the grocery store today. I thought maybe I'd cook Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Hadn't done it in a while. Folk have been taking care of us since Mom moved to Florida so all I've ever had to do was get up, get dressed and organize my naps before showing up at someone's house to eat.

I arrived at my local food dispensary at 6:35 am. The parking lot was full. Not a good sign. I grabbed a basket and tried to ignore the enticing items in the "bargain" aisle you are forced to manuveur through before getting to produce. Ok, so I picked up a couple of bags of marshmellows and they had beringer's on sale. I'll need that...

I didn't make a list. I never make a list. People all around me had lists. I felt like the crazy lady without a list as I picked out green beans and turnip greens and potatoes and mushrooms. The onions were nice, so I got some. So were the bananas. Enough of this.

I wanted to have cornish hens this year, as we really aren't turkey people (another reason why I don't like this time of year, what's so damned special about that dry ass bird anyway?) They didn't have any. Nice capons tho. I got one and a lovely english roast for the red meat eaters. A bit of bacon (pork for cooking, turkey for eating) and I was outta the meat department.

The rest of the trip went uneventually and I turned the last aisle and headed for the registers. Everyone's baskets were so full, as if we were preparing what we felt was going to be the last decent thanksgiving dinner we'll have for a while... that was kinda scary. My bill was less than $200 and I wondered how I managed that. I packed it all up, smiled at the cashier, told her to pace herself the day was young and headed out...

The local Target has a wreath out front. I frowned at it and kept driving. Cabala's had a Santa with something that looked like a rifle in its hand. I shook my head and got on the expressway... I didn't want to see anymore.

Whatever happened to Thanksgiving? Wasn't this the holiday where you saw the cousins you hadn't seen all year and grandma and big daddy sat at the ends of the table and smiled at their fam? Wasn't this the holiday where lies about pilgrims and indians and survival and all that crap gets repeated ad nauseum? Isn't this the holiday when all the women in the room announce the diet plan they'll be starting on January 1st?

Our Thanksgiving is going to be quiet. The way I like holidays. I'll marinate the dead animal carcasses and cook the plant matter and pa will fix a lovely winter beverage for us all. The boy will regal us with stories from his weird, yet errily creative mind and daughter dear will keep checking her text messages and the clock...

Friday morning, I'll pretend I wasn't asked about going shopping and start making some jewelry or something therapeutic like that and I'll scream, like I do every Friday after Thanksgiving as the first Christmas tune makes its appearance on the radio.

If I weren't so busy trying to find a floor to crash on for the inauguration, I'd have time to plan my winter escape to wisconsin or something self indulgent like that...

damn my priorities!

I hate this time of year.
pray for me...

OK, so my daughter is home for Thanksgiving break... and she is doing the thing she does everytime she comes home... sitting on my bed with her laptop showing me Youtube videos she knows I will like....

like this one....

Ok, so, in the last 2 weeks, I've been out of the country, under the weather, and over the hill... lots of thoughts rambled through my mind during this time... and in one short burst (sort of like ejaculation)... here it is...well the stuff that won't get me arrested...

random thought #1: People in the Caribbean are so totally cool. I think I'm gonna pick an island and move... soon.
random thought #2: People in the Caribbean love Obama not because he's black, but because he's intelligent,capable, and represents US... why don't we see it that way?
random thought #3: Never take a cruise during a full moon; it rains more than you'd want it to...
random thought #4: San Juan needs more rain shelters.
random thought #5: Air Conditioning and wet clothing don't mix.
random thought #6: Is that snow on the ground at O'Hare? Nooooooooooooooooooooo! (sniff)
random thought #7: It feels good to show off your tan at work. Just smile and keep walking.
random thought #8 My students missed me! They really missed me!
random thought #9: Viruses can't be cured, they must run their course (repeat three times as you swallow the nyquil)
random thought #10: Nyquil haze is .... wait, where am I again?
random thought #11 Yes, Virginia,I am older than I look....thanks
random thought #12 Damn, I'm old... damn damn damn
random thought #13 Birthdays are for children (takes a bite of ice cream birthday cake and smiles)
random thought #14 My nest is almost empty... oh god...
random thought #15 Maybe next fall, we'll go to Hawaii
random thought #16 What do I bitch about now that the campaign season is over?
random thought #17 wait, is thanksgiving NEXT week?!?
random thought #18 I just spent $23.50 to fill my gas tank; I need to celebrate that.
random thought #19 I need a hair cut.
random thought #20 I need to write.
random thought #21 I need a vacation... wait I just took one...
random thought #22 help....

I couldnt resist...

I've been watching quietly since Monday night... just wanted to see what people would do, how people would react, what people would say.... and I heard something Tuesday night that made me stop and think...

One of the commentators on CNN was speaking about Obama right after the final projections came in... he used the analogy of Moses getting the people to the precept of the promised land and looking over to see what was there... Moses sent Joshua to see what was there and how the people could and would survive there...

Moses knew he wouldn't see that place, God had told him he couldn't go... he was part of the "corrupt" generation...he would not see the promised land... yet, he knew it would be ok...he knew Joshua would be a good leader...

I related my "MLK" experience to my 9th grade advisory class Wednesday morning as we basked in the afterglow of historic victory... I told them where I was and what I was doing the day MLK died... I told them how the experience of knowing, seeing and hearing MLK's words had made an impact on me and how that day had changed my life forever... as I was talking...it occured to me... Barack is the same age I am... he was somewhere having a life changing experience similar to mine... I wondered, how did April 4, 1968 change HIS life...? How has becoming "Barack Obama" over the last 40 years prepared this man for his role as president?

Barack is our Joshua... He has gone forth and inspected the land of the "enemy" and he has come back with a report and a plan... and as he has told us, we will have to sacrifice for the things we want and need and deserve... it won't be easy... but we can do it...

I've had people, of all racial persuasions tell me this week, how inspired they now are to do more, to want more, to work harder to become more... there really are no more barriers, are there? I've known this for a while...I just didn't want to believe it...I didn't want to step out and do the things that I KNOW I am met to do...

there are no more excuses for me... this is a new day...

We are the Joshua Generation... and we can do this...

This crossed my line of sight today.... enjoy...

Oct 05, 2008

The Norwegian newspaper VG has reported a truly amazing story about a newly-wed trying to get to Norway to be with her husband, and the stranger who helped pay an unexpected luggage surcharge. The blog "Leisha's Random Thoughts" has translated the story.

It was 1988, and Mary Andersen was at the Miami airport checking in for a long flight to Norway to be with her husband when the airline representative informed her that she wouldn't be able to check her luggage without paying a 100 surcharge:

When it was finally Mary's turn, she got the message that would crush her bubbling feeling of happiness.

-You'll have to pay a 103 dollar surcharge if you want to bring both those suitcases to Norway , the man behind the counter said.

Mary had no money. Her new husband had travelled ahead of her to Norway , and she had no one else to call.

-I was completely desperate and tried to think which of my things I could manage without. But I had already made such a careful selection of my most prized possessions, says Mary.

As tears streamed down her face, she heard a "gentle and friendly voice" behind her saying, "That's okay, I'll pay for her."
Mary turned around to see a tall man whom she had never seen before.

-He had a gentle and kind voice that was still firm and decisive. The first thing I thought was, Who is this man?

Although this happened 20 years ago, Mary still rememb <> ers the authority that radiated from the man.

-He was nicely dressed, fashionably dressed with brown leather shoes, a cotton shirt open at the throat and khaki pants, says Mary.

She was thrilled to be able to bring both her suitcases to Norway and assured the stranger that he would get his money back. The man wrote his name and address on a piece of paper that he gave to Mary. She thanked him repeatedly. When she finally walked off towards the security checkpoint, he waved goodbye to her.

Who was the man?

Barack Obama.

Twenty years later, she is thrilled that the friendly stranger at the airport may be the next President and has voted for him already and donated 100 dollars to his campaign:

-He was my knight in shining armor, says Mary, smiling.

She paid the 103 dollars back to Obama the day after she arrived in Norway . At that time he had just finished his job as a poorly paid community worker* in Chicago , and had started his law studies at prestigious Harvard university.

Mary even convinced her parents to vote for him:

In the spring of 2006 Mary's parents had heard that Obama was considering a run for president, but that he had still not decided. They chose to write a letter in which they told him that he would receive their votes. At the same time, they thanked Obama for helping their daughter 18 years earlier.

And Obama replied:

In a letter to Mary's parents dated May 4th, 2006 and stamped 'United States Senate, Washington DC ', Barack Obama writes:

'I want to thank you for the lovely things you wrote about me and for reminding me of what happened at Miami airport. I'm happy I could help back then, and I'm delighted to hear that your daughter is happy in Norway . Please send her my best wishes. Sincerely, Barack Obama , United States Senator'.

The parents sent the letter on to Mary.

Mary says that when her friends and associates talk about the election, especially when race relations is the heated subject, she relates the story of the k ind man who helped out a stranger-in-need over twenty years ago, years before he had even thought about running for high office.

Truly a wonderful story, and something that needs to be passed along in the maelstorm of fear-and-smear politics we are being subjected to right now.

UPDATE: Thanks for the recommends, folks! Also, remember this was 1988, when 100 dollars was quite a bit of money, compared to today's value.

Guess what I did Friday night? I sat on the grounds of a country club golf course in 40 degree weather with thousands of my "neighbors". We listened to music and watched children in their Halloween costumes and we laughed and talked. There was electricity in the air. There was something very different about to happen to us all that night. Something that normally doesn't happen in our little corner of the universe. We were excited... very excited.

We endured state politicians from downstate; we were polite (you have to understand, up here in the northwest corner of the state of Indiana, we're that po' redheaded stepchild that folk only acknowledge when they want something from us) They told us how they loved us (yeah, right), how it would be the "right" thing to do to vote straight ticket (yeah, right) and how they "love" us up here in "da region" (ugh) ....

I almost fell asleep. The only reason I didn't was because I was fascinated with what was going on around me. I stood in line with young, old, white, black, hispanic, asian, disabled, disillusioned... I listened to discussions about family who have, for years, have voted republican, wouldn't be doing that this year. I heard people talk about insurance bills and lost jobs and taxes... I watched people who have a lot of things that makes us different talk about the things that make us all alike.

We were there, in the brisk October weather to see Barack Obama. We were not disappointed.

His speech has actually been heard before. For the last month or so, the rhetoric of it all has become very familiar, but there was something about hearing it in person (I couldn't see him, I was too far back, and I DO suffer from a rather severe case of vertically challenged disease) There was something special about seeing all those posters and the media and hearing that man, in person, that has, for me, been the icing on this long baked cake.

Its finally, almost over...

Regardless of the outcome... its been quite an experience...

I'm going to fix a cup of tea now; my throat is killing me...

I drove to Nashville today... its my "ME" weekend, and I'm sitting in a very large bed with a nice flat screen television telling me about the great things to be found in the experience of driving a lincoln and listening to El DeBarge sing about all his love... and well... chillin...All I need is some chablis... where IS that room service menu anyway?

on the drive down, I stopped at a Waffle House just south of Louisville for a bit of breakfast. You know Waffle House...home of breakfast anytime you want it... full of locals and overly friendly waitresses...yeah, that place...

I sat in the last open booth and requested a cup of tea and some hashbrowns and eggs over easy, with a side of sausage ...I watched people for a few minutes... someone way on the other end of the counter was discussing stocks and what his nephew in california was doing now; a little girl was asking why all the men in the place were still wearing their caps and wasn't that rude; two guys outside were repairing the concrete in a few of the parking spaces.

There was a couple sitting in the very next booth. She was facing me...her husband, apparently on his way to, or recently returned from a hunting trip had his back to me. They spoke quietly about things to do today and ordered steak and eggs; her was medium rare, his was rare...

They ate quietly when the food arrived and then asked for doggy bags. He got up and started for the cashier's. I continued to eat as I heard her say...."Michael, you need the ticket don't you?"

I looked up... Michael didn't hear her...he was already at the cashier's booth. She looked at me and shock her head...

"I swear, he's like a 2 year old."
I smiled. I understood completely.
"What ever would they do without us?"
"Die while trying to decide which pair of draws to put on."
I choked on my sausage and laughed out loud. The waitress who returned for the ticket shook her head and said... girl...don't even give them credit for being able to manage that...

We all laughed...

I started to get out the booth and added one more comment...
"mine is home with $50 worth of expensive meat. Pray for him, ok?"

She guffawed and climbed out of her booth and followed me to the cashier.
"Girl... I'll pray he doesn't burn your house down, ok?"
lol


I sat in my car and watched them walk to their truck, he was fussing and complaining about something and she simply said yes dear...

Gotta love our men, don't we?

Ok, so about a week ago, three people in town were killed within a 24 hour period and the usual conversation about black and black crime and why folk around here kill each other came up. The convo then turned to how it used to be around here... which, naturally meant I had to speak up.

After doing a general search of how wonderful Gary Indiana is, I found this website called Forgotten Buildings and a page in particular called Gary Indiana - A Ghost Town. I read a few of the posts in the blog and came across one in particular that was .... interesting...

Some total stranger from california is working on a docuentary of politics in the middle west and racism in political elections. He commented on how he'd be in the area this week and would anyone be interested in talkin to him. I emailed him. He emailed back. We met Wednesday and talked for a while.

I discovered something about myself and the place I live. I like living here. Its NOT a murder captial. Its NOT some ghost town. Its people who are working hard to pay mortgages and educate their children and keep some sense of peace in their lives one way or another. Its a place with intellectuals and artists and culture and history... Its a nice place to live. If you've never been here... don't discuss it like you have...simple as that.

I was asked a lot of questions: thinkgs like why is having the right to vote important to me, how long have I lived here and participated in the political life of the community, what do I do to make my hometown a great place to live, and so forth...

I like me and my life. I like my hometomwn... and I discovered that I do what I do because its important to be proud of SOMETHING...and to be able to speak on it...

I did... its all good.

Just do it... speak on your hometown... you apparently like the place or you wouldn't be there...right?

uh huh uh huh...

What are the "experts" saying today...one month out?

Electoral Votes

Sarah Palin said something the other night during the vice presidential debate that has been bothering me...

She kept talking about soccer moms and how "scared" they are about the economy. She said something about soccer moms representing the average american. I was watching this train wretch with my husband and turned to him and asked what I felt was a very important question:

"What exactly does the average american mom spend on soccer equipment and fees for her precious child anyway?"

ok...so I teach science and have a particular appreciation for all scientists out there...

I purchase the ocassional pbs documentary on a science topic and show it to my students. I make a point of trying to find something with some people with color in their skin for my kids to see... I don't care how much color...just some color...

well, lately, mah boy over here...Neil Degrasse Tyson... has been a media darling. He's one of the commentators on the "Universe" series and has done a few PBS "Nova" docs...he even sat down on the Daily Show... yanno...just making the rounds...

and to top all that off...he's still holding down his regular gigs as the director of the Hayden Planetarium and research associate in the department of astrophysics at the American Museum of Natural History in the nyc...

busy man....


after a long week of post Hurricane Ike rain and local flooding/Indiana State Testing/visitors in the building...(sigh) I threw one of his dvd's in the machine Friday for my freshmen biology class ...

I mentioned what the show was about and went to my desk to attempt to find the top of it...

someone said..."whoa" so I looked up. Neil was talking, nothing in particular so I looked in the direction of the exclamation...

"what's wrong?"
"he's....he's... a scientist?"
I looked at the screen. "yeah."
"what kind?"
"astrophysicist."

a couple of people ran to the computers to google astrophysics. (I don't give definitions, I provide the materials to find definitions)

"so... where's he from?"
"New York."
"Brooklyn?"
"the bronx I believe, not sure"....
"so... he's like.... us?"
I stopped, looked at Neil talk about time and space and how vast the universe is and I smiled...
"yeah, he's like us."
"cool."

I watched the show a bit, noticed a few people actually taking a few notes. One got up and googled his name (after asking me who he was) and went to his website. I sighed and went back to work.

I think I love you Neil Degrasse Tyson.... thank you.

I once had a pastor friend of mine tell me I would know that I am maturing spiritually when the words I speak to someone who has asked for my advice will NOT be taken well, because I will be able to see into their soul....

I didn't understand that at the time... yet, recently, I've had total strangers call me everything but a child of God (which is ok actually) because of advice I've given...I've shaken a few to the core... and they have no choice but to lash out at me...

The thing I've noticed is... most of them are between 10 and 20 years younger than me... and they remind me of who I was between 10 and 20 years ago... stubborn, headstrong, self centered and overwhelmed...

Upon reflection on who I was then versus who I am now, I can say this... I WAS a child... in a woman's body... I had responsibilities, made choices I was not sure of and wondered if I was missing out on something because of the choices I was making.

Nawh... I made the right choices, I survived the personal, professional and spiritual storms I was supposed to go through at that period in my life... and I've come out stronger, braver, more aware of ME... and I find myself content on a level that can't be explained to someone in their 30s...trying to get where I am...

Maybe its just me... but this generation wants instant gratitfication in a way we never did... in nanaseconds... like buying stuff on ebay or something...

But...it doesn't work that way... all things worth having...as they say, are worth working for, waiting for, experiencing in their fullest... I appreciate all the things that make "me"..."me"... there's no way I would have 20 years ago...

A dear friend uses the analogy of the farmer and his crop... the farmer being God...the seed being our life experiences and encounters, the crop...being us...

there is the preparation of the field... the hard work of breaking up the soil and making it receptive to the seed that the farmer will drop into it... and then, after the seed is dropped...feeding it... and then... waiting...

when we finally leave our parent's homes, we have to spend time..breaking the soil...that is "us"... our parents have packed all that they feel we should have into us... formed us... influenced us.. and some of that... is good for us...some isn't... so..we open up the "soil" that is our spirit... break up the ground...letting some air in...this is 20something...

then the seed is dropped...by the people we encounter in our lives, the ones that are "sent to us"...to help mold us, help us to grow, add color to our life experience. Tears of joy, pain, peace, and discord water our seeds... and hopefully the "sun"... shines on us... this is the hardest decade...because its the one that is the "slowest"... this is the time we want everything RIGHT NOW...yet, are unwilling to wait for it...these are the most stubborn years... the years when we think we know it all... don't understand why it isn't like in the books we've read...want it all...and do it all...these are our 30s.... we're frustrated, overwhelmed...angry..

by the time we are 40, we are either scared out of our minds about what we THINK we didn't accomplish in our 30s... or have finally stopped to breathe...realizing that the end of one period in our lives is coming to an end... yet, a very exciting new experience is about to begin.

in your 40s... you have just enough experience under your belt to look back and smile at the things the "youngins" are doing... and laugh at how "evil" they can be... and insist we were never like that...(who are we really trying to convince now..seriously!)

I'm more than halfway through my 40s... its been a fabo ride... I've had total strangers tell me I'm an ass, a bitch, bitter, angry, self important, etc... when I give them the advice THEY requested... which is ok... I know I'm not any of those things... I know the ones that fix their mouths to tell me I am... are.. and that's ok too...

they'll get over it... they'll grow spiritually and look back at those behind them... and smile...like I do now... at the insanity of it all...

nawh, its not just me... its all of us...

ain't life grand?

ok so...I just do this little blogging thing cus I'm a frustrated writer who has all this noise in her head and no time to write any of it down...
and to aggravate my condition its election season...and I'm getting a bit antsy....and I need to get a few things off my chest...that's all...

then along comes mah girl over at Sojourner Place... lifting me up for what I rant about... and I need to say thank you babygirl...

its just me.... noticing stuff...thank you for noticing me... I 'preciate it!

the Blogging Star award originated over at "Skittles' Place" so I need to thank Barb for believing in giving honor where honor is due...


let me pass along this honor to some I believe deserve it...

the black synergist...
a day in the life of a sista

here's the dealio...

it ain't gonna hold til november 4th... no matter what bushbaby does to try to prevent it...

why not cut the losses...recognize that greed is gonna send us into a spiral we won't get out of without hitting the ground...and start from scratch...again...

oh well... welcome to the crunch boys and girls...this is where we find out who the real leader is...

ok...so the post just ahead of this one was the one I wanted to post, but then I noticed a video by this woman... this...brookings institution fellow...whose on Obama's advisory committee... so I watched this video...and googled her...and read up on her...

and damn... ladies and gents...I do believe I'm looking at the next secretary of state.... or at the very least... the next national security advisor...

listen to this woman please....PLEASE...

Susan E Rice

that's my daughter and her cousin in the picture...in case you care...









Parenting does not come with a manual. I knew that when I went into this business.
I come from a long line of "mothers"... women who have either chosen or falling headlong into the job of nurturing fetuses in their wombs and then giving birth to babies. We then spend the next 18 - 22 years preparing these children, getting them to a place where they are responsible, mature adults, able to care for themselves and are no longer dependent on us.

Its the hardest job I'll ever have.
There have been days when I've hated this job.
Today, I discovered I love what I do.
Today, I discovered I did a good job with at least one of the babies I raised.

My daughter is a sophomore at the University of Illinois. That in itself is a surreal statement for me, as I recall quite vividly the day I found out I was pregnant with her.

She was the precocious one; you know, talking all the time, full of wonder and interest in the world around her. The "second mother" to her younger brother and all the cousins that came after her (she's the eldest grandchild). The trendsetter, the fashionnista, the opinionated, argumentative one who has never had a problem with telling, politely, any adult EXACTLY what she thinks.

She has been emailing me about the apartment she and her best friend will be renting next school year. Apparently, at the University of Illinois and in Champaign in general, you need to take care of the details of such things nearly a year in advance. She's researched a few places, done a couple of walk throughs, had me and a law school buddy go over some leases and has chosen a complex she likes.

She called today.

"Ma, ok, this is what I need for you to do. I need you and Mushu (her best friend) here on the 27th to check this place out and we can decide if this is a good place and if it is, we can sign the lease, ok? Is the 27th good for you?"

"Hello. How are you? Did you get my message the other day?"

"Oh, hey ma."

We both laugh.

After about 5 minutes of her talking and me saying ok in the right places in the discussion, she gives her standard post script:

"I know you hate talking on the phone (I REALLY hate talking on the phone) so let me get off... I have all my homework done so I'm going to read this book I got from the library. Love you, bye."

And, she's gone.

I sit here a moment and process what has just happened.

When I was 19 years old, to even consider having a "Ma, I'm getting an apartment" conversation with my mother was so totally not something I would have thought about, and here I was, completely comfortable with knowing that my child is perfectly capable of handling the responsibility of paying rent and bills and keeping some food in the refrigerator. She is my child....yet, she is NOT me... not at all.

She's always been the independent one. So independent, we rarely saw her senior year in high school. If she wasn't at school, she was at either swim practice or track practice or tennis practice or her parttime job or, according to her boyfriend, sleeping in some movie he'd just paid a lot of money for them to see. Which was ok with us.

My husband and I have always looked at our jobs as parents as merely being the "keepers" of one of God's creations... she doesn't belong to us, we're just the ones who are preparing her to go forth and do HIS will in this world. There was no way of knowing how she'd turn out. All we could do was be who we were, pass on what we know, be the appropriate examples and guide her as she learned to make decisions about what she believes should happen in her life.

I'll admit, last year was hard; she wasn't here. I worried about her eating and wandering in a strange place, sometimes alone. She missed her bus one evening after going to see a French movie as part of an assignment for her French class, and called her father. They talked and laughed while she walked, alone back to her dorm, nearly 2 miles away. When she got "home", he chastised her quietly and then came to bed, a few more grey hairs on his head. Freshman year was hard.

I hoped she'd find new experiences, make new friends, not end up with a wild crowd. I don't know why I worried: the day her grandmother and I took her down for orientation, she immediately hooked up with 5 girls in her academic department and got their email addresses and they've been inseperable ever since. That's MY child...the social diva.

This year, we took her down, she got settled in and she and her roommate shoo'd us away within 2 hours. We drove the 130 miles home in silence. Our baby girl is on her way.

I think we did a good job of it...

Now, if we can just get her brother to put down the video controls and go find a job...

ugh...

I swear I have low tolerance for the braindead...

while perusing one of my favorite forums, I came across a thread where folk were lifting up McCain and knocking down Obama...

why?

because McCain said the word "God" and Obama said "that's out of my pay grade"...

the irony of this thread was, the originator of it... admitted right up front that the only reason she even watched McCain's speech the other day was because her mother wanted her to (this is a grown woman, mind you, not a 18 year old just getting into the political mix). She freely admitted that she doesn't plan on voting at all...

but now, because of the words used by two men running for office, she's gonna "think about" voting....

amazing...

according to her, the republicans have it right...

fornication and the sometimes subsequent abortion is a bad thing
no prayer in school is a bad thing
not fighting for our freedom is a bad thing...

this from a 30 something year old, with children, living a comfortable life apparently, who wants us all to be kind to her because, yes, "our people fought for the right to vote"

who may not show up on November 5th....

and if she does,it will be because some old man said "God"... and that pleases her...

politics and religion don't mix... Democrats know this...so do Republicans...

yet, every major election, one group or the other evokes the name of God in the attempt to endear themselves to the populous...


the really sad thing about THIS particular instance of braindeath is...

fornication is bad, yet one of the candidate's children is underaged and about to become a mother...

not having prayer in school is bad, yet the only other time some pray is when it will get them the vote...

not fighting for our freedom is bad...but after 7 years of fighting... they FINALLY found someone whose kid is ACTUALLY gonna go fight...

hypocrisy is a mutha...ain't it?

wonder if I should run for public office, promising to have God in the chair right next to me....? wonder if I'll get the job?

this issue about vice presidental candidates, pregnant daughters, pro life, abstinence and sex education is schools has gotten me to thinking....

how you gonna not want sex ed in schools, think abstinence is enough and then applaud not getting an abortion... when the person involved is 17 years old???

I have a 19 year old daughter... she's is a "legal adult"...so,although I spent a great deal of time and energy being her mother and preparing her to one day become someone's wife, I have given her to God and hopes she thinks before acting...

when she was 17, I KNEW she thought things through....her favorite line was... "negros want babies... I want a LIFE...."....

I tend to be a conservative when it comes to the topic of sex... I suppose the difference between me and Ms. Palin is... I walked the walk and didn't just talk the talk...

I've had a few people say, well, accidents happen... no offense but, no, accidents don't happen to a 17 year old who is being RAISED... and isn't just taking up space in your home....

and it helps to have some backup... I know I have some...to the point of insanity. My sisters are on what my daughter calls the boobie cover up squad....PLEASE don't get me started!!!

the irony of being a conservative, being pro life, believing in abstience and then not wanting folk to teach sex ed in schools is this...

they are the very people who let their kids run amuck...

I'll be quiet now...

later...

just in case you've been hiding in a cave with osama bin ladin or something exciting like that... there's drama on the republican side of the aisle...

it seems Ms. Palin wasn't pregnant afterall... or something Palin's Pregnancy?
and now, it seems that the daughter, reports have determined WAS the pregnant one... or something... Bristol's Pregnancy

well...nevermind the lie mom told to protect the daughter...
nevermind the attempted coverup...

let's look at a 17 year old being impregnated by a 22 year old for a moment...shall we?

in the state of Indiana...where I live... and, as far as I know in ALL the other 49 states in thie Union... a 17 year old having sex with a 22 year old is statuatory rape....

does anyone care?
*sigh*

Mom says they're gonna get married... isn't that special?

don't cha just love politics?

ok...so someone sent this to me... I actually have been holding it for seveal days, wasn't in the mood for another silly video. The title on it was "the most disturbing video you'll ever see"... yeah, ok...

so I finally watched it...

....

I'm not sure what to say here.... I am worse than appalled, I'm afraid. What is happening in this video is indicative of the illness that has overrun our community...our people... our lives....

why was it ok for some adult to stand there and videotape this...?
why was it ok for the other children to watch and cheer and emulate...?
why was it ok for someone to push the little girl back into the boy so they could continue the dance?

She has been watching hip hop videos and porn....she's a child.
He's been watching his older brothers, uncles and dare I say it... father (ha) bumping up against women in this way...

I can almost guarantee you... neither of them can read or write...
but, wow...can they dance...or have sex...or...whatever they're doing...ugh....

this is how we will die, isn't it?
people ask me why I gave up my nice career and great job with excellent pay to teach...

this is why... THIS... is why...

keep praying yall...

I dropped my daughter off at her dorm today. She's a sophomore at the University of Illinois... Education Major... like her moms...and grandmoms... and several cousins, aunts, uncles...

This time last year, she was nervous and talkative and wondering if she had everything she needed to live away from home and if she'd be able to cut it at a big university 150 miles from home...

she did fine... great even...

so why when I dropped her off this year, she was calm and I was a wreck? She has a new roommate who she knew from last year. She pre ordered her books and I only spent $75 at walmart on the stuff she forgot...

yet, I sit here wondering if she'll be ok, if her sophomore year will be fruitful... I hope she enjoys the social aspect of her college experience... last year, she focused so on school...she missed a bit...

Maybe, I'm just feeling MY age...and watching her be what I was more than 30 years ago.. and doing it so much better than I did...

I did work hard to make her an independent, self reliant woman. I wanted that for her. I love her and want nothing but the best for her. Yet, she's my baby... and I'll miss her. So will her father and brother (who baked her blueberry muffins (her favorite) for her before she left.

Another school year... and to think...this is what I've been waiting for all her life... my life back...lol

My 19 year old daughter came to me Sunday morning as she prepared to attend church with a friend.

"Are the girls too visible? Should I wear a cammy?"
"Yes, cover the girls up. Thank you."

She came back 5 minutes later with both a cammy and a sweater on.

"Ok, I'm going to church...later moms!"

I have always tried to set an example of the importance of "having a bit of mystery" about oneself. I'm glad it has rubbed off on her. Its amazing how its "ok" for girls to dress or not dress as the case may be and become immature examples of sexuality. It sends the wrong message...it results in behaviors and encounters that the girls end up regretting....

I found an article on just this subject today. "Girls Gone Mild"... is an attempt to get media, retail and our culture in general to back off the need to make everything female a grand sexual experience. Apparently, its working. This pleases me.

This group tells girls its ok to be a virgin, to put some clothes on that aren't cutting off their circulation and to use their brains. This is a fantastic thing indeed. Our girls need this... our girls want to be "good"...

for more info on the group and their work, click here..

I was raised in the Presbyterian Church USA. I got over it. God made sure of that.

I remember Sunday School and learning the Golden rule. I knew all the books of the bible in the correct order by the time I was 6 and had read the bible itself from cover to cover twice...before I was 8.

I enjoyed that book. I think my father regretted having me read it. I asked questions about it all the time. Like, how, exactly did God make the universe and everything in it in 7 days? If Adam was made of dirt, wouldn't a rainstorm cause him to wash away? How did Noah get elephants and lions to get along on the Ark? Did Daniel really have to sit in the ring with lions?

and so forth and so on....

The Sunday School teachers apparently didn't like having me in class. I refused to simply say, amen at the appropriate moment.

I needed to know why. I needed to understand. I needed for someone to explain it all to me.

I was more patient than most people concerning this matter. I lived my life in a patient way and took the example of what it meant to be a good Christian to heart. I didn't disrespect my parents, normally. I tried to behave in school. I showed up every Sunday morning for all the festivities, and even volunteered to help with stuff. I was a good Christian. God would reward me.

Yet, I still had questions. It hadn't become so much, why things were the way they were in the bible, as much as, who decided we should even acknowledge the things you say are in the bible, yet aren't able to explain to me? Yes, I beleive Jesus, the Christ is my Lord and Savior, but what, EXACTLY does that mean? Shouldn't I fully understand what I am pledging myself to?

The radical met the peacemaker one cold January night in 1985. He knew his bible, yet, never questioned why. It was ok. I didn't want to know why anymore; I just wanted it to be comfortable. Yet, it never became comfortable. There continued to be this nagging, this tugging, this.... you know you wanna know, don't ya? kinda feeling in my spirit.

God was trying to tell me something...as the old negro spiritual goes...

I filled my moments with bible study and discussion, and the ocassional, shit stirring, just to keep my skills up. I raised our children to be good Christians, with a firm foundation in basic Christian beliefs... love your neighbor, respect your elders, pray and be patient. Yet, I wasn't "close" enough to God....

It is said, that when you are ready for the lesson, the teacher will be provided for you. God had been watching me, waiting for me to get over my distractions and my dramas, and get to a place, spiritually, where I was ready to be taught what He had to teach me. He sent that person to me in 2001.

The very first question blew me away. Why do you even acknowledge God?

What?
Why do you even acknowledge God?
I had to actually think about it for a few minutes. I didn't want to give the party line on the matter, I wanted to consider my reasoning.

Hell, I don't know why I acknowledge God.
Then stop acknowledging him.
What?
Stop acknowledging him. He only wants those to come to him freely, knowing why they come to him, to be in His presence.

So, I stopped acknowledging God. Oddly enough, when I did this, I couldn't keep my creator off my mind. I found myself seeing Him...everywhere.... hearing Him, in all who spoke...I smelled Him, touched Him, sensed Him, inhaled Him....

HE WAS EVERYWHERE!

Before I let go of God, I believed in God, yet, I didn't have faith he was there. When I let go of God and stopped acknowledging Him, there he was, right in front of me, forcing me to acknowledge him, in me, around me, above me, below me: all from one question.

My teacher lead me through a self examination that make me acutely aware that I loved God and all He had created. I had, for years, struggled with who I thought I was supposed to be; having listened to all the noise around me, the carnal, self promotion that had resulted in me being miserable and utterly, spiritually alone. Yet, now, I knew who I was, I understand my purpose, I formulated a plan, I set my goals, and I've been floating along, unafraid and fully aware at all times of who I work for.

None of this would have happened if I had remained in the organized church. I know it wouldn't have. One Sunday morning, after months of infighting and nonsense that neither my husband or I could take anymore, he, an elder in the church, and on that particular Sunday, the person making announcements... stood up before our "family" and told them we were gone and we wouldn't be back. He said, we needed to find our way out of the darkness that had become our daily existences... that we, as a couple, as a family unit, had become aware of a light in our lives...yet, this light disappeared when in the company of the church.

That was 5 years ago. Everyday is an expression of how blessed and honored we are to live as children of God, doing his will as taught to us by Jesus, the Christ, our brother....

I find myself, daily, speaking God's words to others in a manner that meets them at THEIR point of need, not mine, for I no longer have needs, nor wants. God has me in his bosom and I am so very content, so very full, so very happy. He has given me a task, which I complete gleefully (yet, sometimes doggedly and tiredly)... for He needs me to simply be me, as he made me to be, to do the thing He put me here to do, the way he KNEW I would do it...

Even these words, though I type them, though I consider them, though they are mine and speak for me, are in actuality, HIS... for he needed for me to say these things for someone else to see, and consider.

I was raised in the Presbyterian Church USA. I got over it. God made sure of that.

Ok...so before I could finish wrapping my mind around Bernie and those damned lungs of his finally failing... I'm driving along and discover Issac is gone...

Someone commented on how they hate saying RIP... hell stop saying it... people die... we're upset, in shock, suddenly made painfully aware of our mortality... and if we're living right... give thanks for one more day...

cus I know this... when He's finished with me here...when the work he's given to me is done... I will be MORE than happy to pack it in and take my rest.... so I have no problem with RIP...

do the damned thang you two... and thank you for all you did...

This was the first week of school for me...kids coming in to learn biology, chemistry and physics...and this year...microbiology....

I was giving my annual speal about why I love science and how science is all around us and how empty our lives would be if we didn't have at least a small understanding of how awesome the universe it and all that's in it...

then it happened... it always happens... the smart ass kid in the back of biology said it...

"The universe if great because "GOD" made it great"...

I bit my tongue... I work in a public school... I work in a public school.... I said it over and over again for a full minute...all the while smiling as children agreed and disagreed with his assessment of the matter...

"what do YOU think, Mrs. S?"

"I think that you're going to learn so much about biology and how the fact that you are even sitting here in these seats when the chaos that resulted in life on this planet really shouldn't have resulted in you sitting here... you will ask yourself what do YOU think..."

they all kinda looked at me and I smiled. I continued...

"I think you will discover that at the end of the day, at then end of all your learning and understanding of biology... you will KNOW for SURE that nothing is an accident in this universe..."

someone whispered "intelligent design"... and I said if that's what you want to call it...

another asked, what's intelligent design...and I let them discuss it among themselves...

I thanked God for giving me the words to start the conversation... He doesn't mind if His name isn't mentioned...as long as we continue to marvel at what He's done...

amen?

amen...

John McCain, presumptive Republican presidental nominee was having a bad day the other day...

He made the classic mistake of throwing crap but not wanting to catch it when it is thrown back at him...

Race card or.... racist card?
isn't he the senator that introduced legislation to rescind MLK Day in Arizona back in the day? Read Its Complicated

in conjunction with my visit to the expo today, I met a few people out there doing the damned thang that I believe should be lifted up.

to NubianHeritage... making mah soap and lotions and FINALLY getting the website together...muah angels...

to Sharonda and Soul Purpose... making a woman feel special...

to Providence St Mel School... still educating the babies...

yes, there were others...but time does not permit me to list them all now...
I start a link list in a day or two...trust me...

do your thang yall...do your thang!

I can't say it enough...I love being a black woman in America.... not that I've been anywhere else to compare my "black woman" experience to this one...but, there are days when it seems like, there is nothing more perfect than this...

today was one of those days....

I attended "The Black Woman's Expo" in Chicago this morning... vendors, speakers, seminars, the whole shebang...I attended with a coworker of mine, her daughter and one of her friends. We are all of one mind... THIS will be a networking opportunity...

and it was...I checked out the competition as far as jewelry is concerned...(lawd, let me get to work, cus some of these chicks are so last season...lol) my girl K. was on the prowl for makeup and makeup artistry... bridal consulting was on the mind of F. and L. just wanted to know where the hip hop connections were...

we came away from the experience exhilerated and prepared to do things...reading, writing, creating, expanding, reinventing...

yeah... I love being a black woman in america....

I just thought I'd tell yall that...

if you haven't been watching the documentary on CNN called Black in America... shame on you... it comes on again Saturday... watch it...

if you have watched it... I'm sure you've spent the week having some very interesting conversations with people....

in this year of milestones, the one concerning MLK's assaination is particularly poignant....

I remember where I was and what I was doing and how my parents reacted and how his death changed everything...EVERYTHING...for me...

although I'd intentionally been exposed to racism by my parents (it was important to them that I knew who I really was in the eyes of the majority)... as a 6 year old child, I sensed that I would now experience life on a different level... and I did...

growing up in what I now refer to as the black version of the wonder years, it never occured to me that black folk couldn't be doctors or lawyers, or policemen or firemen or teachers or supervisors at the steel mill... all those sorts lived within a 4 block radius of my home...

it never occured to me that I couldn't be anything I wanted to be...becasue there were people around me where whatever they wanted to be...

then one day...I rode my bike into a neighbor about a mile away...

as I rode through with my friend... laughing and having fun... someone called out from one of the porches we passed...

"hey girl...you darkie... what your ugly ass doing around here?"

my friend circled back and I followed...

the people on the porch were laughing at us.. we actually thought we'd be confronting whites; there were still a few living in our hood...

but, the person that felt obliged to insult me... was black... BLUE BLACK to be exact... and I was confused...

my friend, a fiesty child who didn't take crap off anyone... told them off and we rode away... I never rode my bike through that neighborhood again...I've gone through it many times in my car....

I went home and at dinner, asked... why do some blacks feel its ok to call other blacks ugly or darkie?

the silence at the table could be cut with a knife. My father was gripping his silverware so tightly his hands were shaking...

"I have no answer for that darlin'."

I've learned the reason for it as time has passed. Self hatred is "our thing"... and if we can pull someone down into the pit that we perceive is rising to the top...we will do it...

maybe it was the nice bikes, or our nice short sets, or our perfectly combed hair (our mothers NEVER let us out of the house without looking perfect...this didn't mean we returned that way however... lol)

and its our self hatred...borne of being told we are nothing... that is still the "glue" that binds our community...

and ths documentary... this wonderful "story"... reminded me that I have finally shed my self hatred...

and it gives me reason to be glad that a lot of my brothers and sisters out there have shed theirs also...

and yet... there are many in our community that still hate themselves...and enjoy hating on "us" ....

so much work done...

so much work yet to do...

yeah Martin... the dream is still alive...

I'll keep the light on for those wandering out of the darkness...

If she were alive, my maternal grandmother would be celebrating her 104th birthday today....

I was 16 years old when she celebrated her 75th birthday... as she blew out the candles, we asked her...what did you wish for...

she said..."I asked God to give me 25 more years."

As I sat next to her on July 24th 2004, on the occasion of her 100th birthday, I thought about that... and how... her request was so simple... all of her requests from God were...

she was laughing and talking to people who had come to wish her glad tidings... she was in her right mind and her spirits were high...

she leaned over and whispered in my ear... I'll stay around til the end of the year, ok?

I just looked at her and said...ok, grans...

I was in New Orleans at a wedding in the French Quarter New Year's Eve, when the strangest sense of loss came over me...I wanted to go home...

on the trip home my husband called the house to make sure ou kids hadn't burned up the joint, when my daughter told me...

"g-grans is gone mama...died last night...they tried to call you in New Orleans." (my phone was dead)

somehow I knew that. she'd promised to stay til the end of the year...

I've wondered since then about how she was so sure of her relationship with God that she could simply request...and it would come to be...

in the 5 months between her birthday and her death, she had a minor stroke...just potent enough to pull her memories of all of us deep inside of her...I became, "the nice lady that came on Wednesdays"...my daughter was "that pretty little thing"... her own daughter was "her"....

my aunt became so stressed and worn down that we temporarily put her in a nursing home (something we said we'd never do)...the evening my daughter and I went to visit her there...she was crying...please take me home...pleaseeeee take me home....

.......
I brought her home the next day, rearranged my schedule and helped my aunt with her more ....

my granny... she saw most of the 20th century... cried and laughed and smiled and frowned at so many things...


for you granny... tell daddy and papa I said hi....

and people wonder why I think Aaron McGrude is a genius... ha

I teach high school science at a charter school. The school will begins its 4th year of operation in a couple of weeks and I'm excited. When the school opened, we started with a freshman class. This year, these students will be complete their high school careers.

Now, mind you, four years ago, when I first met the majority of them, I was convinced I could, in some way, help mold them into young ladies and men that would become great assets to their community and to the world. They did, naturally, cause me to wonder if I'd lost my mind, but here, as we near the end of our journey together, I have regained confidence in them all. And more importantly, they've gain confidence in themselves.

What you must understand is this: these children come from what society calls, low socioeconomic circumstances. They have had everything possible keep them from becoming productive. They will NOT amount to anything. I never believed that. I came from the same community...albeit, not from a low socioeconomic circumstance, and I'd been out here in the world a moment or two and knew what they were up against. I knew they could do it.

Four years ago, children came into my biology classroom, angry because their parents had placed them in this "weird school" with "weird teachers" and the "principal from hell"... They only wanted to battle each other for supremacy in the social order and find something to eat. (Dang, teenagers love to eat, don't they?)

As time has passed, we've taught them the core academic requirements and something more. We've exposed them to the world around them. We've taken them places, showed them concepts, explored ideas with them, questioned their notions of right and wrong...and given them a reason to think.

They read the newspaper every morning. They write papers and perform acts for shakespearean plays. The debate current event topics and apply mathematical concepts to scientific principles.

Most importantly, they now have dreams and goals. One wants to be pathologist, another a lawyer, yet another is now inspired to teach. The class math whiz wan't to work for NASA one day after spending the day with my sister, who worked for NASA for years. One has already been accepted to the Art Institute of Chicago and has expressed his joy in drawing pictures that will be used in a mural. I've taken them on trips to college fairs, they've been on college tours...we've had professionals come in to talk to them.

In 9 months, my "babies" will become so much more than they ever thought they could be. This year will be unlike any other. I can't wait. This time its different, for real.

I interact with some people on a faith and religion message board. Its a very interesting experience. I've learned alot from them...and hopefully have been a blessing to them.

There are some who interact on this particular board who, for reasons of their own, seem to believe that everyone on the board is a clone of them. When they discover we aren't, this seems to be a problem for them. These polite, religiously rational human beings suddenly become frustrated with our inability to simply accept our natural tendency to question... (we question each other all the time, why can't we question others?)

About every 3 months or so, enter a new person who either gets along or doesn't get along with the group. If they happen to get along with us... for some reason, they become the target of those who didn't get along with us....

The usual complaint is... you've been absorbed by the "clique"....

And they begin to attack the "clique"....

Well, this morning, I had a message from someone who I've never spoken to before in my life... this person seems to believe that I've been lurking on another board, watching "them" and the one that they had recently ejected from their "clique" (we don't have cliques on OUR board)... is playinga game with us..and really isn't as spiritual as she wants us to believe...

the monologue went something like this..

"that bitch is a liar. she started an arguement with one of my friends and called people to get them to be mean to her. and now she wants to play the victim and has you stupid assholes believing she's some sort of angel." etc. so forth, so on...

I read this message twice...

I haven't responded yet, because I am not quite sure what to say other than...who the hell are you?

Oh, I could go on and on about how she's called this person a hypocrite...yet is behaving in a rather hypocritical manner herself...
or I could mention the irony of her handle... and how she wasn't behaving thusly...
or I could just leave it alone...prayerfully...

I'm really considering the last one...as thi isn't my problem...

all I know this... the young lady in question asks questions, is seeking truth, and knows how to interact in a mature manner with others....

I hope she works it out...

Consider this, if you will....

I am 4th generation american of african descent in this country. My family came to be on this continent by means not of their choosing...

My ancestor(s) survived a grueling voyage, humiliation, slavery, institutionalized ignorance, violence and death....

And I am here...

In this country, where being who I am is either inadvertently or overtly dismissed as being.... unimportant... enters a man....

this american of african descent knows nothing of the grueling voyage, humiliation, slavery, institutionalized ignorance, violence or death...
not the way I know it...

yet... this man... knows what it means to be inadvertently or overtly dismissed as being.... unimportant....

Does his journey being different from my journey give him a different perspective of the world in which we both live?

yes... and no.

because... in THIS country... because of the COLOR OF OUR SKIN... we are the same...

he knows things I'll never know...
like... how people who aren't of african descent REALLY feel about him...and me... and us... because he lived among them...intimately...

he understands things about others that, because of the colorful nature of his upbringing... I couldn't even begin to grasp....

and he brings every bit of that to the table....

and I'm loving it...

I remember a few years ago when Tiger Woods first became this "sensation"... how he didn't want to be called "black".... I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that...
we all thought he believed himself to be too good to be black...


but I understand it now...

you can't dismiss the parts of you THEY can't see... or don't understand...
you HAVE to be colorblind in your own home... or you won't be able to live there...


those of us who survived the grueling voyage... don't remember "us"...
its sad...

I almost envy him...for he knows..... truly knows who he is...

and that is to be respected...

and that is what makes him such a great man....


Barack Hussein Obama...
you go boy!

Ok, this has gotten stupid...

I wish my daddy was here to see this...he'd laugh until he hurt himself...
The man said for years, that Jesse was crazy as a beetlebug... and I believe it for real now...

HOW YOU GONNA CALL SOMEONE A NIGGA.... when you made this great pronouncement about NOT CALLING PEOPLE NIGGAS.....

and another thing...
WHO THE HELL YOU CALLIN' A NIGGA ANYWAY????

meanwhile...somewhere in the ghetto... niggas are laughing at it all... as they fill out their voter registration cards....

I suppose negative attention is better than no attention...
Afterall, Jesse just wants to talk about what he wants to talk about... and isn't about the big picture...

man... oh man...
let me be still a moment...

HA

click and read...

An Open Letter to Jesse


there's an old saying... if you toss a stone into a pack of dogs, the one that gets hit by the stone is the one that will yelp ....



maybe that hollaring dog Jesse, is the one that got hit, huh?

Ok, here's my take on it....

Jesse Jackson is, was, and always will be, an asshole. I've known this for a while, considering he's a local boy and the favorite of the media around here. The idea of him NOT being the most important person in any given room is so foreign a concept to him that he's not quite sure how to handle it.

Some discussion on this matter has resulted in 2 different thoughts on the matter...
1. Jesse knew that mic was hot and went for it... afterall, he's the media darling now for a few minutes...
2. Jesse didn't know that mic was hot and just freakin' lost his mind...

I had one conversation that even suggested that maybe he is having a moment of professional envy and this was just a lapse in judgement. I disagree. The words that came from his mouth were words considered carefully and the undertone of hatred under them is palpable. Jesse has said evil things about people before.

Now, this wouldn't be a problem, cus we have have moments of envy, but Jesse, the angel, professes to be a pastor in the Christian Church who keeps messing up. His illegitimate child is what now - 14? His "religious empire" supposedly provided for the education of his sons...

what else can be said?

No... I'm not judging the man....who am I to do that. I'm just amused at it all. The human spirit is a funny creature, isn't it?

How are we supposed to handle "competition"? Don't we realize that at some point, we won't be the top dog? Shouldn't we WANT to "retire"?

The leaders of the black community who were kings of societial oneupsmanship in the 60s, 70s and 80s all seem to be having a little trouble with Mr. Obama. Some say its because Obama sees them for what they are and always have been: just one of the many special interest groups trying to get in with this campaign. Obama has made it clear, there will be no glad handing, noone gets special treatment. Old school civil rights leaders don't know how to handle that, I suppose.

Oh well...

sigh...
damn Jesse... just damn

lawd... and to think, I was just thinking about this old fart and wondering how he was faring not being the center of the black universe...





I'm not even sure if I wanna comment on this... dang dude...

My cousin hipped me to this youtube video and warned me that I'd be.... amused by it...

It seems, someone had a message to give. I got the message... wonder if you will when you see it...





Ms. Rene Marie, I think, was "preparing" use for something most of us aren't ready for... unity.

If you peruse some of the comments attached to this and similar videos on the subject, you find 2 things:

people who think this is part of the great conspiracy that will result in Barak Obama becoming the first black president of the United States...
and...a whole lot of white folk haven't a clue who James Weldon Johnson is....

both of which are a damned shame...

Don't get me wrong here... I am shocked that she was bold enough to do it... at the same time, I'm almost ashamed for her, as it was really not the forum for such a political statement.

Or was it?

This woman, apparently, is a singer... it might have been some sort of self promotion stunt... which, oddly enough, in this day and age of 15 seconds of fame, will definitely work for her...

But, if, on the off change it was a political statement...damn, what a way to send a message and what a way to expose hypocrisy...


it caused me to think for a moment... I, for reasons that have more to do with spirituality than politics, usually don't sing the national anthem. Oh, I stand up, I acknowledge the flag, but I don't put my hand over my heart and I don't sing...

I don't always sing the "Black National Anthem" either... for the same reasons...

to lift up a song and make it a mantra for who one is politically, kinda, rubs me the wrong way... and I've explained my position on the matter to people who look at me funny, shrug their shoulders and mentally place me in the radical negro catagory before moving on to more neutral topics.

Bold statements from the "little people".... only in America baby...

ya gotta love it...

While surfing one day, I decided to check up on one of my favorite authors, Ms. Toni Morrison... and my googling lead me to a very interesting site.

On the page was a letter, written by Ms. Morrison back in January 2008. It was a letter to Senator Barak Obama. She was endorsing his candidacy for the presidency of the United States.

In endorsing him, she gave honor and showed admiration for Senator Clinton:

"I have admired Senator Clinton for years. Her knowledge always seemed to me exhaustive; her negotiation of politics expert. However I am more compelled by the quality of mind (as far as I can measure it) of a candidate. I cared little for her gender as a source of my admiration, and the little I did care was based on the fact that no liberal woman has ever ruled in America. Only conservative or "new-centrist" ones are allowed into that realm."

"Nor do I care very much for your race[s]. I would not support you if that was all you had to offer or because it might make me "proud."

When, I wondered, was the last time this country was guided by such a leader? Someone whose moral center was un-embargoed? Someone with courage instead of mere ambition? Someone who truly thinks of his country's citizens as "we," not "they"? Someone who understands what it will take to help America realize the virtues it fancies about itself, what it desperately needs to become in the world?

I felt compelled to ask this woman that question today. She's the sort of person that rarely has anything positive to say. She spends most of her conversation time ponificating about how grand her life is, even though her requirements for friendship and happiness are so stringent she could probably make satan sad...

I just asked... simple question...

she took a moment before responding...

"I am greatly loved by my family."

"Ummm, yeah, but who would cry for you at your funeral?"

"Why THEY would, naturally!"

"You sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

I moved on to a different conversation with another person and was laughing about something more pleasant when she blurted out,

"Not only would my family cry for me, I have lot of friends and acquaintances that love me too. They'd all cry for me."

"Ok."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"I have no choice but to beleive you. I think maybe you don't believe you."

Naturally, she balked. Oh well.



Who will cry for you at your funeral? Who on this planet, loves you enough, has been tolerant of "you" to such a degree, that they will find themselves overwhelmed with grief at your passing?

Now, I'm not talking about family, who are kinda obligated to be upset... but the people you have allowed into your life; the people you have voluntarily opened up your heart to.

I bowl once a week with some coworkers. As I sat last wednesday, watching people act a complete ass, laughing and enjoying each others company, I considered our relationship....

would these people cry at my funeral? Have I given them any reason to give a damn about me? What sort of impact have I had on them? Yes, I'm the "go to" person...or so it seems. Right, I know my stuff. Sure, I can handle responsibility. But, what do they see in me? What have I shared with them? Should they give a damn about me when I die?


And then there are those I HAVE let in. The 2 or 3 people I consider my closest friends. Yes, they will cry. What we have shared with each other is precious. Not speaking at least once a week is hard enough on us...if only for a moment...

"What chu doin'?"
"Nuttin, what chu doin'?"
"Nuttin."
"Cool"

Who will cry for you at your funeral? Who will miss you? Why will they miss you? What have you given them that they know they'll never get from anyone else once you are gone?


I need to write my eulogy. Peace.