The Synergistic Pen

ok...so someone sent this to me... I actually have been holding it for seveal days, wasn't in the mood for another silly video. The title on it was "the most disturbing video you'll ever see"... yeah, ok...

so I finally watched it...

....

I'm not sure what to say here.... I am worse than appalled, I'm afraid. What is happening in this video is indicative of the illness that has overrun our community...our people... our lives....

why was it ok for some adult to stand there and videotape this...?
why was it ok for the other children to watch and cheer and emulate...?
why was it ok for someone to push the little girl back into the boy so they could continue the dance?

She has been watching hip hop videos and porn....she's a child.
He's been watching his older brothers, uncles and dare I say it... father (ha) bumping up against women in this way...

I can almost guarantee you... neither of them can read or write...
but, wow...can they dance...or have sex...or...whatever they're doing...ugh....

this is how we will die, isn't it?
people ask me why I gave up my nice career and great job with excellent pay to teach...

this is why... THIS... is why...

keep praying yall...

I dropped my daughter off at her dorm today. She's a sophomore at the University of Illinois... Education Major... like her moms...and grandmoms... and several cousins, aunts, uncles...

This time last year, she was nervous and talkative and wondering if she had everything she needed to live away from home and if she'd be able to cut it at a big university 150 miles from home...

she did fine... great even...

so why when I dropped her off this year, she was calm and I was a wreck? She has a new roommate who she knew from last year. She pre ordered her books and I only spent $75 at walmart on the stuff she forgot...

yet, I sit here wondering if she'll be ok, if her sophomore year will be fruitful... I hope she enjoys the social aspect of her college experience... last year, she focused so on school...she missed a bit...

Maybe, I'm just feeling MY age...and watching her be what I was more than 30 years ago.. and doing it so much better than I did...

I did work hard to make her an independent, self reliant woman. I wanted that for her. I love her and want nothing but the best for her. Yet, she's my baby... and I'll miss her. So will her father and brother (who baked her blueberry muffins (her favorite) for her before she left.

Another school year... and to think...this is what I've been waiting for all her life... my life back...lol

My 19 year old daughter came to me Sunday morning as she prepared to attend church with a friend.

"Are the girls too visible? Should I wear a cammy?"
"Yes, cover the girls up. Thank you."

She came back 5 minutes later with both a cammy and a sweater on.

"Ok, I'm going to church...later moms!"

I have always tried to set an example of the importance of "having a bit of mystery" about oneself. I'm glad it has rubbed off on her. Its amazing how its "ok" for girls to dress or not dress as the case may be and become immature examples of sexuality. It sends the wrong message...it results in behaviors and encounters that the girls end up regretting....

I found an article on just this subject today. "Girls Gone Mild"... is an attempt to get media, retail and our culture in general to back off the need to make everything female a grand sexual experience. Apparently, its working. This pleases me.

This group tells girls its ok to be a virgin, to put some clothes on that aren't cutting off their circulation and to use their brains. This is a fantastic thing indeed. Our girls need this... our girls want to be "good"...

for more info on the group and their work, click here..

I was raised in the Presbyterian Church USA. I got over it. God made sure of that.

I remember Sunday School and learning the Golden rule. I knew all the books of the bible in the correct order by the time I was 6 and had read the bible itself from cover to cover twice...before I was 8.

I enjoyed that book. I think my father regretted having me read it. I asked questions about it all the time. Like, how, exactly did God make the universe and everything in it in 7 days? If Adam was made of dirt, wouldn't a rainstorm cause him to wash away? How did Noah get elephants and lions to get along on the Ark? Did Daniel really have to sit in the ring with lions?

and so forth and so on....

The Sunday School teachers apparently didn't like having me in class. I refused to simply say, amen at the appropriate moment.

I needed to know why. I needed to understand. I needed for someone to explain it all to me.

I was more patient than most people concerning this matter. I lived my life in a patient way and took the example of what it meant to be a good Christian to heart. I didn't disrespect my parents, normally. I tried to behave in school. I showed up every Sunday morning for all the festivities, and even volunteered to help with stuff. I was a good Christian. God would reward me.

Yet, I still had questions. It hadn't become so much, why things were the way they were in the bible, as much as, who decided we should even acknowledge the things you say are in the bible, yet aren't able to explain to me? Yes, I beleive Jesus, the Christ is my Lord and Savior, but what, EXACTLY does that mean? Shouldn't I fully understand what I am pledging myself to?

The radical met the peacemaker one cold January night in 1985. He knew his bible, yet, never questioned why. It was ok. I didn't want to know why anymore; I just wanted it to be comfortable. Yet, it never became comfortable. There continued to be this nagging, this tugging, this.... you know you wanna know, don't ya? kinda feeling in my spirit.

God was trying to tell me something...as the old negro spiritual goes...

I filled my moments with bible study and discussion, and the ocassional, shit stirring, just to keep my skills up. I raised our children to be good Christians, with a firm foundation in basic Christian beliefs... love your neighbor, respect your elders, pray and be patient. Yet, I wasn't "close" enough to God....

It is said, that when you are ready for the lesson, the teacher will be provided for you. God had been watching me, waiting for me to get over my distractions and my dramas, and get to a place, spiritually, where I was ready to be taught what He had to teach me. He sent that person to me in 2001.

The very first question blew me away. Why do you even acknowledge God?

What?
Why do you even acknowledge God?
I had to actually think about it for a few minutes. I didn't want to give the party line on the matter, I wanted to consider my reasoning.

Hell, I don't know why I acknowledge God.
Then stop acknowledging him.
What?
Stop acknowledging him. He only wants those to come to him freely, knowing why they come to him, to be in His presence.

So, I stopped acknowledging God. Oddly enough, when I did this, I couldn't keep my creator off my mind. I found myself seeing Him...everywhere.... hearing Him, in all who spoke...I smelled Him, touched Him, sensed Him, inhaled Him....

HE WAS EVERYWHERE!

Before I let go of God, I believed in God, yet, I didn't have faith he was there. When I let go of God and stopped acknowledging Him, there he was, right in front of me, forcing me to acknowledge him, in me, around me, above me, below me: all from one question.

My teacher lead me through a self examination that make me acutely aware that I loved God and all He had created. I had, for years, struggled with who I thought I was supposed to be; having listened to all the noise around me, the carnal, self promotion that had resulted in me being miserable and utterly, spiritually alone. Yet, now, I knew who I was, I understand my purpose, I formulated a plan, I set my goals, and I've been floating along, unafraid and fully aware at all times of who I work for.

None of this would have happened if I had remained in the organized church. I know it wouldn't have. One Sunday morning, after months of infighting and nonsense that neither my husband or I could take anymore, he, an elder in the church, and on that particular Sunday, the person making announcements... stood up before our "family" and told them we were gone and we wouldn't be back. He said, we needed to find our way out of the darkness that had become our daily existences... that we, as a couple, as a family unit, had become aware of a light in our lives...yet, this light disappeared when in the company of the church.

That was 5 years ago. Everyday is an expression of how blessed and honored we are to live as children of God, doing his will as taught to us by Jesus, the Christ, our brother....

I find myself, daily, speaking God's words to others in a manner that meets them at THEIR point of need, not mine, for I no longer have needs, nor wants. God has me in his bosom and I am so very content, so very full, so very happy. He has given me a task, which I complete gleefully (yet, sometimes doggedly and tiredly)... for He needs me to simply be me, as he made me to be, to do the thing He put me here to do, the way he KNEW I would do it...

Even these words, though I type them, though I consider them, though they are mine and speak for me, are in actuality, HIS... for he needed for me to say these things for someone else to see, and consider.

I was raised in the Presbyterian Church USA. I got over it. God made sure of that.

Ok...so before I could finish wrapping my mind around Bernie and those damned lungs of his finally failing... I'm driving along and discover Issac is gone...

Someone commented on how they hate saying RIP... hell stop saying it... people die... we're upset, in shock, suddenly made painfully aware of our mortality... and if we're living right... give thanks for one more day...

cus I know this... when He's finished with me here...when the work he's given to me is done... I will be MORE than happy to pack it in and take my rest.... so I have no problem with RIP...

do the damned thang you two... and thank you for all you did...

This was the first week of school for me...kids coming in to learn biology, chemistry and physics...and this year...microbiology....

I was giving my annual speal about why I love science and how science is all around us and how empty our lives would be if we didn't have at least a small understanding of how awesome the universe it and all that's in it...

then it happened... it always happens... the smart ass kid in the back of biology said it...

"The universe if great because "GOD" made it great"...

I bit my tongue... I work in a public school... I work in a public school.... I said it over and over again for a full minute...all the while smiling as children agreed and disagreed with his assessment of the matter...

"what do YOU think, Mrs. S?"

"I think that you're going to learn so much about biology and how the fact that you are even sitting here in these seats when the chaos that resulted in life on this planet really shouldn't have resulted in you sitting here... you will ask yourself what do YOU think..."

they all kinda looked at me and I smiled. I continued...

"I think you will discover that at the end of the day, at then end of all your learning and understanding of biology... you will KNOW for SURE that nothing is an accident in this universe..."

someone whispered "intelligent design"... and I said if that's what you want to call it...

another asked, what's intelligent design...and I let them discuss it among themselves...

I thanked God for giving me the words to start the conversation... He doesn't mind if His name isn't mentioned...as long as we continue to marvel at what He's done...

amen?

amen...

John McCain, presumptive Republican presidental nominee was having a bad day the other day...

He made the classic mistake of throwing crap but not wanting to catch it when it is thrown back at him...

Race card or.... racist card?
isn't he the senator that introduced legislation to rescind MLK Day in Arizona back in the day? Read Its Complicated

in conjunction with my visit to the expo today, I met a few people out there doing the damned thang that I believe should be lifted up.

to NubianHeritage... making mah soap and lotions and FINALLY getting the website together...muah angels...

to Sharonda and Soul Purpose... making a woman feel special...

to Providence St Mel School... still educating the babies...

yes, there were others...but time does not permit me to list them all now...
I start a link list in a day or two...trust me...

do your thang yall...do your thang!

I can't say it enough...I love being a black woman in America.... not that I've been anywhere else to compare my "black woman" experience to this one...but, there are days when it seems like, there is nothing more perfect than this...

today was one of those days....

I attended "The Black Woman's Expo" in Chicago this morning... vendors, speakers, seminars, the whole shebang...I attended with a coworker of mine, her daughter and one of her friends. We are all of one mind... THIS will be a networking opportunity...

and it was...I checked out the competition as far as jewelry is concerned...(lawd, let me get to work, cus some of these chicks are so last season...lol) my girl K. was on the prowl for makeup and makeup artistry... bridal consulting was on the mind of F. and L. just wanted to know where the hip hop connections were...

we came away from the experience exhilerated and prepared to do things...reading, writing, creating, expanding, reinventing...

yeah... I love being a black woman in america....

I just thought I'd tell yall that...