The Synergistic Pen

if you haven't been watching the documentary on CNN called Black in America... shame on you... it comes on again Saturday... watch it...

if you have watched it... I'm sure you've spent the week having some very interesting conversations with people....

in this year of milestones, the one concerning MLK's assaination is particularly poignant....

I remember where I was and what I was doing and how my parents reacted and how his death changed everything...EVERYTHING...for me...

although I'd intentionally been exposed to racism by my parents (it was important to them that I knew who I really was in the eyes of the majority)... as a 6 year old child, I sensed that I would now experience life on a different level... and I did...

growing up in what I now refer to as the black version of the wonder years, it never occured to me that black folk couldn't be doctors or lawyers, or policemen or firemen or teachers or supervisors at the steel mill... all those sorts lived within a 4 block radius of my home...

it never occured to me that I couldn't be anything I wanted to be...becasue there were people around me where whatever they wanted to be...

then one day...I rode my bike into a neighbor about a mile away...

as I rode through with my friend... laughing and having fun... someone called out from one of the porches we passed...

"hey girl...you darkie... what your ugly ass doing around here?"

my friend circled back and I followed...

the people on the porch were laughing at us.. we actually thought we'd be confronting whites; there were still a few living in our hood...

but, the person that felt obliged to insult me... was black... BLUE BLACK to be exact... and I was confused...

my friend, a fiesty child who didn't take crap off anyone... told them off and we rode away... I never rode my bike through that neighborhood again...I've gone through it many times in my car....

I went home and at dinner, asked... why do some blacks feel its ok to call other blacks ugly or darkie?

the silence at the table could be cut with a knife. My father was gripping his silverware so tightly his hands were shaking...

"I have no answer for that darlin'."

I've learned the reason for it as time has passed. Self hatred is "our thing"... and if we can pull someone down into the pit that we perceive is rising to the top...we will do it...

maybe it was the nice bikes, or our nice short sets, or our perfectly combed hair (our mothers NEVER let us out of the house without looking perfect...this didn't mean we returned that way however... lol)

and its our self hatred...borne of being told we are nothing... that is still the "glue" that binds our community...

and ths documentary... this wonderful "story"... reminded me that I have finally shed my self hatred...

and it gives me reason to be glad that a lot of my brothers and sisters out there have shed theirs also...

and yet... there are many in our community that still hate themselves...and enjoy hating on "us" ....

so much work done...

so much work yet to do...

yeah Martin... the dream is still alive...

I'll keep the light on for those wandering out of the darkness...

If she were alive, my maternal grandmother would be celebrating her 104th birthday today....

I was 16 years old when she celebrated her 75th birthday... as she blew out the candles, we asked her...what did you wish for...

she said..."I asked God to give me 25 more years."

As I sat next to her on July 24th 2004, on the occasion of her 100th birthday, I thought about that... and how... her request was so simple... all of her requests from God were...

she was laughing and talking to people who had come to wish her glad tidings... she was in her right mind and her spirits were high...

she leaned over and whispered in my ear... I'll stay around til the end of the year, ok?

I just looked at her and said...ok, grans...

I was in New Orleans at a wedding in the French Quarter New Year's Eve, when the strangest sense of loss came over me...I wanted to go home...

on the trip home my husband called the house to make sure ou kids hadn't burned up the joint, when my daughter told me...

"g-grans is gone mama...died last night...they tried to call you in New Orleans." (my phone was dead)

somehow I knew that. she'd promised to stay til the end of the year...

I've wondered since then about how she was so sure of her relationship with God that she could simply request...and it would come to be...

in the 5 months between her birthday and her death, she had a minor stroke...just potent enough to pull her memories of all of us deep inside of her...I became, "the nice lady that came on Wednesdays"...my daughter was "that pretty little thing"... her own daughter was "her"....

my aunt became so stressed and worn down that we temporarily put her in a nursing home (something we said we'd never do)...the evening my daughter and I went to visit her there...she was crying...please take me home...pleaseeeee take me home....

.......
I brought her home the next day, rearranged my schedule and helped my aunt with her more ....

my granny... she saw most of the 20th century... cried and laughed and smiled and frowned at so many things...


for you granny... tell daddy and papa I said hi....

and people wonder why I think Aaron McGrude is a genius... ha

I teach high school science at a charter school. The school will begins its 4th year of operation in a couple of weeks and I'm excited. When the school opened, we started with a freshman class. This year, these students will be complete their high school careers.

Now, mind you, four years ago, when I first met the majority of them, I was convinced I could, in some way, help mold them into young ladies and men that would become great assets to their community and to the world. They did, naturally, cause me to wonder if I'd lost my mind, but here, as we near the end of our journey together, I have regained confidence in them all. And more importantly, they've gain confidence in themselves.

What you must understand is this: these children come from what society calls, low socioeconomic circumstances. They have had everything possible keep them from becoming productive. They will NOT amount to anything. I never believed that. I came from the same community...albeit, not from a low socioeconomic circumstance, and I'd been out here in the world a moment or two and knew what they were up against. I knew they could do it.

Four years ago, children came into my biology classroom, angry because their parents had placed them in this "weird school" with "weird teachers" and the "principal from hell"... They only wanted to battle each other for supremacy in the social order and find something to eat. (Dang, teenagers love to eat, don't they?)

As time has passed, we've taught them the core academic requirements and something more. We've exposed them to the world around them. We've taken them places, showed them concepts, explored ideas with them, questioned their notions of right and wrong...and given them a reason to think.

They read the newspaper every morning. They write papers and perform acts for shakespearean plays. The debate current event topics and apply mathematical concepts to scientific principles.

Most importantly, they now have dreams and goals. One wants to be pathologist, another a lawyer, yet another is now inspired to teach. The class math whiz wan't to work for NASA one day after spending the day with my sister, who worked for NASA for years. One has already been accepted to the Art Institute of Chicago and has expressed his joy in drawing pictures that will be used in a mural. I've taken them on trips to college fairs, they've been on college tours...we've had professionals come in to talk to them.

In 9 months, my "babies" will become so much more than they ever thought they could be. This year will be unlike any other. I can't wait. This time its different, for real.

I interact with some people on a faith and religion message board. Its a very interesting experience. I've learned alot from them...and hopefully have been a blessing to them.

There are some who interact on this particular board who, for reasons of their own, seem to believe that everyone on the board is a clone of them. When they discover we aren't, this seems to be a problem for them. These polite, religiously rational human beings suddenly become frustrated with our inability to simply accept our natural tendency to question... (we question each other all the time, why can't we question others?)

About every 3 months or so, enter a new person who either gets along or doesn't get along with the group. If they happen to get along with us... for some reason, they become the target of those who didn't get along with us....

The usual complaint is... you've been absorbed by the "clique"....

And they begin to attack the "clique"....

Well, this morning, I had a message from someone who I've never spoken to before in my life... this person seems to believe that I've been lurking on another board, watching "them" and the one that they had recently ejected from their "clique" (we don't have cliques on OUR board)... is playinga game with us..and really isn't as spiritual as she wants us to believe...

the monologue went something like this..

"that bitch is a liar. she started an arguement with one of my friends and called people to get them to be mean to her. and now she wants to play the victim and has you stupid assholes believing she's some sort of angel." etc. so forth, so on...

I read this message twice...

I haven't responded yet, because I am not quite sure what to say other than...who the hell are you?

Oh, I could go on and on about how she's called this person a hypocrite...yet is behaving in a rather hypocritical manner herself...
or I could mention the irony of her handle... and how she wasn't behaving thusly...
or I could just leave it alone...prayerfully...

I'm really considering the last one...as thi isn't my problem...

all I know this... the young lady in question asks questions, is seeking truth, and knows how to interact in a mature manner with others....

I hope she works it out...

Consider this, if you will....

I am 4th generation american of african descent in this country. My family came to be on this continent by means not of their choosing...

My ancestor(s) survived a grueling voyage, humiliation, slavery, institutionalized ignorance, violence and death....

And I am here...

In this country, where being who I am is either inadvertently or overtly dismissed as being.... unimportant... enters a man....

this american of african descent knows nothing of the grueling voyage, humiliation, slavery, institutionalized ignorance, violence or death...
not the way I know it...

yet... this man... knows what it means to be inadvertently or overtly dismissed as being.... unimportant....

Does his journey being different from my journey give him a different perspective of the world in which we both live?

yes... and no.

because... in THIS country... because of the COLOR OF OUR SKIN... we are the same...

he knows things I'll never know...
like... how people who aren't of african descent REALLY feel about him...and me... and us... because he lived among them...intimately...

he understands things about others that, because of the colorful nature of his upbringing... I couldn't even begin to grasp....

and he brings every bit of that to the table....

and I'm loving it...

I remember a few years ago when Tiger Woods first became this "sensation"... how he didn't want to be called "black".... I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that...
we all thought he believed himself to be too good to be black...


but I understand it now...

you can't dismiss the parts of you THEY can't see... or don't understand...
you HAVE to be colorblind in your own home... or you won't be able to live there...


those of us who survived the grueling voyage... don't remember "us"...
its sad...

I almost envy him...for he knows..... truly knows who he is...

and that is to be respected...

and that is what makes him such a great man....


Barack Hussein Obama...
you go boy!

Ok, this has gotten stupid...

I wish my daddy was here to see this...he'd laugh until he hurt himself...
The man said for years, that Jesse was crazy as a beetlebug... and I believe it for real now...

HOW YOU GONNA CALL SOMEONE A NIGGA.... when you made this great pronouncement about NOT CALLING PEOPLE NIGGAS.....

and another thing...
WHO THE HELL YOU CALLIN' A NIGGA ANYWAY????

meanwhile...somewhere in the ghetto... niggas are laughing at it all... as they fill out their voter registration cards....

I suppose negative attention is better than no attention...
Afterall, Jesse just wants to talk about what he wants to talk about... and isn't about the big picture...

man... oh man...
let me be still a moment...

HA

click and read...

An Open Letter to Jesse


there's an old saying... if you toss a stone into a pack of dogs, the one that gets hit by the stone is the one that will yelp ....



maybe that hollaring dog Jesse, is the one that got hit, huh?

Ok, here's my take on it....

Jesse Jackson is, was, and always will be, an asshole. I've known this for a while, considering he's a local boy and the favorite of the media around here. The idea of him NOT being the most important person in any given room is so foreign a concept to him that he's not quite sure how to handle it.

Some discussion on this matter has resulted in 2 different thoughts on the matter...
1. Jesse knew that mic was hot and went for it... afterall, he's the media darling now for a few minutes...
2. Jesse didn't know that mic was hot and just freakin' lost his mind...

I had one conversation that even suggested that maybe he is having a moment of professional envy and this was just a lapse in judgement. I disagree. The words that came from his mouth were words considered carefully and the undertone of hatred under them is palpable. Jesse has said evil things about people before.

Now, this wouldn't be a problem, cus we have have moments of envy, but Jesse, the angel, professes to be a pastor in the Christian Church who keeps messing up. His illegitimate child is what now - 14? His "religious empire" supposedly provided for the education of his sons...

what else can be said?

No... I'm not judging the man....who am I to do that. I'm just amused at it all. The human spirit is a funny creature, isn't it?

How are we supposed to handle "competition"? Don't we realize that at some point, we won't be the top dog? Shouldn't we WANT to "retire"?

The leaders of the black community who were kings of societial oneupsmanship in the 60s, 70s and 80s all seem to be having a little trouble with Mr. Obama. Some say its because Obama sees them for what they are and always have been: just one of the many special interest groups trying to get in with this campaign. Obama has made it clear, there will be no glad handing, noone gets special treatment. Old school civil rights leaders don't know how to handle that, I suppose.

Oh well...

sigh...
damn Jesse... just damn

lawd... and to think, I was just thinking about this old fart and wondering how he was faring not being the center of the black universe...





I'm not even sure if I wanna comment on this... dang dude...

My cousin hipped me to this youtube video and warned me that I'd be.... amused by it...

It seems, someone had a message to give. I got the message... wonder if you will when you see it...





Ms. Rene Marie, I think, was "preparing" use for something most of us aren't ready for... unity.

If you peruse some of the comments attached to this and similar videos on the subject, you find 2 things:

people who think this is part of the great conspiracy that will result in Barak Obama becoming the first black president of the United States...
and...a whole lot of white folk haven't a clue who James Weldon Johnson is....

both of which are a damned shame...

Don't get me wrong here... I am shocked that she was bold enough to do it... at the same time, I'm almost ashamed for her, as it was really not the forum for such a political statement.

Or was it?

This woman, apparently, is a singer... it might have been some sort of self promotion stunt... which, oddly enough, in this day and age of 15 seconds of fame, will definitely work for her...

But, if, on the off change it was a political statement...damn, what a way to send a message and what a way to expose hypocrisy...


it caused me to think for a moment... I, for reasons that have more to do with spirituality than politics, usually don't sing the national anthem. Oh, I stand up, I acknowledge the flag, but I don't put my hand over my heart and I don't sing...

I don't always sing the "Black National Anthem" either... for the same reasons...

to lift up a song and make it a mantra for who one is politically, kinda, rubs me the wrong way... and I've explained my position on the matter to people who look at me funny, shrug their shoulders and mentally place me in the radical negro catagory before moving on to more neutral topics.

Bold statements from the "little people".... only in America baby...

ya gotta love it...