I once had a pastor friend of mine tell me I would know that I am maturing spiritually when the words I speak to someone who has asked for my advice will NOT be taken well, because I will be able to see into their soul....
I didn't understand that at the time... yet, recently, I've had total strangers call me everything but a child of God (which is ok actually) because of advice I've given...I've shaken a few to the core... and they have no choice but to lash out at me...
The thing I've noticed is... most of them are between 10 and 20 years younger than me... and they remind me of who I was between 10 and 20 years ago... stubborn, headstrong, self centered and overwhelmed...
Upon reflection on who I was then versus who I am now, I can say this... I WAS a child... in a woman's body... I had responsibilities, made choices I was not sure of and wondered if I was missing out on something because of the choices I was making.
Nawh... I made the right choices, I survived the personal, professional and spiritual storms I was supposed to go through at that period in my life... and I've come out stronger, braver, more aware of ME... and I find myself content on a level that can't be explained to someone in their 30s...trying to get where I am...
Maybe its just me... but this generation wants instant gratitfication in a way we never did... in nanaseconds... like buying stuff on ebay or something...
But...it doesn't work that way... all things worth having...as they say, are worth working for, waiting for, experiencing in their fullest... I appreciate all the things that make "me"..."me"... there's no way I would have 20 years ago...
A dear friend uses the analogy of the farmer and his crop... the farmer being God...the seed being our life experiences and encounters, the crop...being us...
there is the preparation of the field... the hard work of breaking up the soil and making it receptive to the seed that the farmer will drop into it... and then, after the seed is dropped...feeding it... and then... waiting...
when we finally leave our parent's homes, we have to spend time..breaking the soil...that is "us"... our parents have packed all that they feel we should have into us... formed us... influenced us.. and some of that... is good for us...some isn't... so..we open up the "soil" that is our spirit... break up the ground...letting some air in...this is 20something...
then the seed is dropped...by the people we encounter in our lives, the ones that are "sent to us"...to help mold us, help us to grow, add color to our life experience. Tears of joy, pain, peace, and discord water our seeds... and hopefully the "sun"... shines on us... this is the hardest decade...because its the one that is the "slowest"... this is the time we want everything RIGHT NOW...yet, are unwilling to wait for it...these are the most stubborn years... the years when we think we know it all... don't understand why it isn't like in the books we've read...want it all...and do it all...these are our 30s.... we're frustrated, overwhelmed...angry..
by the time we are 40, we are either scared out of our minds about what we THINK we didn't accomplish in our 30s... or have finally stopped to breathe...realizing that the end of one period in our lives is coming to an end... yet, a very exciting new experience is about to begin.
in your 40s... you have just enough experience under your belt to look back and smile at the things the "youngins" are doing... and laugh at how "evil" they can be... and insist we were never like that...(who are we really trying to convince now..seriously!)
I'm more than halfway through my 40s... its been a fabo ride... I've had total strangers tell me I'm an ass, a bitch, bitter, angry, self important, etc... when I give them the advice THEY requested... which is ok... I know I'm not any of those things... I know the ones that fix their mouths to tell me I am... are.. and that's ok too...
they'll get over it... they'll grow spiritually and look back at those behind them... and smile...like I do now... at the insanity of it all...
nawh, its not just me... its all of us...
ain't life grand?
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