The Synergistic Pen

ok, I'm not in the habit of promoting a musician, but when I like something, I want everyone to know about it.  Sooooooooo... while sitting in a chat room a few days ago, yet another person came in asking everyone to listen to his music and let him know what we thought.  My immediate thought was, ugh, not the "next big thing" AGAIN...

I clicked on the link, and listened, sure I'd want to turn it off immediately.  I didn't. In fact, as I listened to the lyrics, (his voice was so clear, I could actually make them out) I realized this young man was singing about love, TRUE love, and relationships, HEALTHY relationships.  I was stunned, and I told him so.

Q Harper's roots are in gospel (isn't that true of ALL the great singers?) where he and his siblings were tied to the gospel choir in his home church in Detroit.

I was in a family singing group, "The Sensational Harper Singers" and singing was more important than our grades in school.  People takl about how tough Joe Jackson was, but they never met William Harper!  He put me and my siblings through our paces.  Everyone thinks I'm new, but I'm a seasoned singer who has been singing since the age of five."  

His experience in the church eventually led Q to the ministry just as his parents and siblings were led.  But soul music continued to pull at him and in 2008, he heeded the call and recorded his first album, named "One".

Harper loves talking about his live concerts, which he dubs, "The Q Harper Experience", which will indicate what the next CD will sound like.

Every concert I throw is like a party. You'll hear me singing and the band kicking - and we make it blaze.  We wreck the place.  I get the people involved and they feed off that energy and electricity.

I asked him a few questions and promised him I'd introduce him to my world so here he is... Ladies and Gentlemen: Q HARPER

Me: What is your full name?
Q: Quintin Deon Harper.

Me: How did you come to play the acoustic guitar?
Q:  Well, as I began to write more and more songs, I needed melody and chord structure, plus I like having my music totally mapped out before studio, so I slowly began to teach myself guitar and piano.

Me: Who are your musical influences?
Q:  Donny Hathaway, Daryl Coley, Charlie Wilson, Ray Charles, Al Jarreau, Stevie Wonder, Al Green, EWF, Phyliss Hyman:  I'm from the old school when it comes to music.  The Emotions are another strong influence.

Me:  Your lyrics are positive, uplifting and inspiring.  Tell us about them.
Q:  I write from the heart and that is what comes across.  I want people to hear my music and say that they can relate to it.  I write real stuff (reality);  my main subject is love and heartbreak, because its real and it happens daily.  I don't want people to say I hear your music Q, but rather, say I FEEL your music.

Me:  Where can people see you perform?
Q: Well, my name is beginning to get out there, so I might be in your town any day now.  I have dates in Chicago for October 30th at the Arie Crown and New Year's Eve.  I have a November date in Houston and mostly overseas stuff right now.  If you wanna see the Q Harper Experience, call your local promotor and get it booked and we will come tear it up!

Me:  Where do you see yourself in 5 years, both professionally and personally?
Q:  In 5 years, I see myself professionally as the face and voice of love and romance.  I will be the name people speak when it comes to the subject of the balladeer of our generation.  I work tirelessly for this and if I keep at it the sky is the limit. My attorney and the rest of my team think I have sex symbol written all over me (lol).  Like my predescessors, the late, great Donny Hathaway and the incomparable Luther Vandross, , I plan to carry the torch for shonuff singin my way into people's hearts, minds, homes, cars, and stereos!

Personally, happily married, see my 3 wonderful kids make their mark in this world, get them through college and off into their careers, my own full fledged studio, and some travel.  Something most don't know about me is I'd to get back into ministry.  Sharing the word of GOD and demonstrating the love of God.

Me:  Do you have an online presence? If so, where can we find you?
Q:  Yes, I do have an online presence.  I can be found on Facebook (QHarpertime), on MySpace (qharp), Reverbnation (Q Harper), Youtube (search Q Harper).  My official website is down for reconstruction, but coming soon!

Ok people, you need to hear him.  Check out Q Harper.

Oh yeah, buy his cd!  CDBaby.com/QHarper 

At one point during the program, we were introduced to the Beloit College Mindset List, and were told that the actual list would be coming out in about a week. The Mindset List is a list of things that incoming college freshmen are aware of in the world.  It is used to give professors a sense of perspective It came out today. I read it.  My husband put me on the suicide list.  Pray for me.


I remember 1991-92. My daughter was 2 years old, my son born in September of 91.  I was complaining about compact discs replacing cassettes. Now, my kids ask why I have CDs and no mp3 player. What a life.

The Mindset List makes note of the things this particular group of humans believe, know and understand about their world, and how the things people older than them believe, know and understand, just don't make an ounce of sense to them.  Like, our son wonders why his father insists on wearing a watch when he has the time on his cell phone. An addendum to that is how he laughs when I talk about winding a watch.  I'm old. 


Both children wonder why I still carry stamps in my wallet and even have envelops and stationary in the house.  They're looking forward to watching me play with my new toy, a slide scanner I purchased to convert all of my father's thousands of slides he'd taken over the years to digital files.  They like playing with my mother's record player and daddy's old LPs.  They wonder why we still have a land line in the house. I'm old.


Check out the list.  It comes out every year.  Just a simple reminder of how the world is changing, moving forward, faster and quieter than we might notice.  Its a look at our past and how our future will be different for us, but just "ordinary" for them.

I had an encounter the other day that I can only describe as spiritual.  The young lady I was assisting simply felt moved to tell me something I didn't necessarily want to know.

The young lady is 25,works as a home health nurse, has recently moved out of her parents' very traditional household and has (finally) begun college. She was writing an essay for one of her classes and needed help with sentence structure.  I didn't mind helping, its what I do, help.

My laptop isn't working so I was at my aunt's using hers and my brothers showed up.  I think they came just to harass me.  They don't think I should be going to school.  They think I should be looking for a husband, not going to college.  I was so distracted that I know this essay makes no sense, can you help me?

I was intrigued.  How does a person, still young, still vulnerable, living in a traditional, Jamaican household, where men sit around waiting for the women to "do" for them manage to muster the strength to walk toward the light?

Why did you move out? 

I moved out because if I didn't, I was going to kill myself, and I didn't want to die.

Can't argue with that logic.

My mother thinks I"m crazy.  When I moved out of the house, she damned me to hell.  Daddy said I'd be raped by some stalker knowing I was alone out there.  He said no man would want me because I was not living correctly.

Wow.

When I told my parents I was starting college, they laughed at me. My mother said she would not help pay for it. I'm ok with that, I can pay for the classes myself.  I can do this. I must do this. If I don't, I will die.  I know I have more to give than my body to a man.  I have a mind, and I want to share it.

I'm sitting at my computer in tears.  I read her words and I wonder what moment pushed her forward.  I know a few things about her that I'd already found fascinating.  She was sickly as an infant and was never expected to walk. She's a virgin and has no problem letting men know that she intends to stay that way until her wedding night.  She love psychology and thinks, maybe, she'd like to go to medical school and become a psychiatrist. She loves her family, she just can't live with them anymore.

Its been so long since I've been to school, I know my writing is terrible.

No, it isn't, just a little muddled.  We can fix this.

Thank you.  I need this essay to speak about who I was, who I now am and who I want to become. I want my instructor to understand the reason why I am in college. I want her to know the reason why I exist.

Yeah, don't we all.  God's speed on your journey girl, God's most precious blessings to you.

*see link above in title*

OK, the teacher in me talking right now....

Phoebe Prince didn't have to kill herself. Any one of the adults in the school she attended who was aware of her situation could have stopped it. I'm sure they discussed it in the teacher's lounge.  I know the administrators considered the liability of confronting the "mean girls".  I want to know why none of them did anything.

The parent of one of the "mean girls" actually has the audacity to say it was "Phoebe's fault" as if its ok for children to verbally abuse each other.  It isn't.  Yes, I KNOW it happens; at some point in our childhoods, the vast majority of us did it to someone.  Someone cared enough about the abused as well as the abusers to stop us all though.  Why doesn't that happen anymore?  Why is it always someone else' fault when the worst thing possible happens? 

When I'm in my classroom or monitoring the hallways, I'm listening to the conversations, the words coming from the mouths of some children so angry, frustrated and lost that all they can do is find new ways to push the pain away by finding the "weak one" and dumping on them.  I stop them.  I talk to them.  I report them to our counselor and she intervenes, forcing the parties involved to confront each other and work out whatever real or imagined disagreement there is between them.

Bullies have self love issues people, self image, self respect, self acknowledgement issues.  They are usually raised by parents with the same sorts of issues. A parent of a child who has bullied another child who says it was the victim's fault it all started is a sad excuse for a parent. That person, along with the adults in the school with knowledge of the situation should ALL be punished (mind you, I said punished, not disciplined) for their lack of mature, adult, authoritarian response to the matter. Simple as that.


Now, the mother in me is speaking...

My son was bullied while in the 5th grade.  We transferred him from a private school to public school, partly because the private school closed, partly because it was time for him to observe the world from a different perspective.  The boy that bullied him would come to the house to visit and play.  The boy was a little rough around the edges, but we monitored them, so we were ok with it.

Until the bike disappeared. I asked where it was and I was told he's "borrowing" it.  Ok, no problem: wish you'd asked one of your parents first.  After 3 days of no bike and no kid, (ummm, he doesn't come around anymore)  my husband tracked him down in front of his house, the bike in the yard.  The mother INSISTED it was her son's bike.  Ok, no problem.  We're loving people; it was decided to let the kid have the bike.  We were blessed enough to get another one.  There was a bigger lesson to be learned for our son and yes, he learned it. 

However, emboldened by this I suppose, the boy decided he could get more.  Threatening to take lunch money, stealing his bookbag, hitting him, chasing him home from school became the new norm.  I showed up more than once at school to complain to administration. The principal claims he called in the mother (why I wasn't invited to that meeting, I'll never know) and had the teacher monitoring behavior in the classroom.  At one point, I was told to "stop babying my son, let him grow up".  What the Hell?  I persisted, even having my mother begin to pick him up from school, because even after taking a different route home, he found himself harassed.  It finally stopped... when the family moved.

I"m not sure those who don't have to force frightened children from bed, who refuse to go to school or are afraid to even play in their own yards because "he might show up", fully understand the emotional toll of bullies on children.  This isn't the first time a child has kill himself or herself because of words, actions, behaviors that demenish self worth, cause the child to lash out violently if only to give the pretense of strength and courage and want to simply disappear so that those "mean kids" will leave them alone.

*deep breath*


Citizen of the universe speaking now...


Ladies and gentlemen, verbal and physical abuse of anyone that results in death is a criminal offense, plain and simple.  Anyone who is witness to verbal assaults or is told by a child that they are being harassed and does nothing about it is an accessory to the crime before the fact.  We are NOT so self absorbed that we can't stop to save a soul.  We aren't.  I refuse to believe we are.  The deaths by gunfire at Columbine, and other schools occurred because of bullying; children like Phoebe, who become so deseparate for relief from the pain of abuse that they kill themselves are a result of bullying. 

Kids DON'T call names all the time.  Its NOT just what they do.  Angry, self loathing children want others to feel as worthless as they do.  They know how to find the ones with the weak spirits, chip away at those spirits and then stand back and play the innocent when those spirits finally crumble. The adults responsible for the emotional and spiritual wellbeing of these children are liable for crimes against the spiritual lives of those hurt. 

Its a  damned shame.  It needs to stop.  We need to quit pretending its "just the way it is".  I suppose, for some, it will take THEIR child being abused, or dying before it makes sense.

Umph.

Second dumbest conversation I had this past week involved justifications by some people for why some churches have metal detectors at the front doors and why the pastors have bodyguards and are packing heat. 

"because there are some crazy people out there and the pastor wants his congregation to feel safe."

Are you FREAKIN' kidding me? FEELING UNSAFE... IN A CHURCH???

ok, wait, hold up...

I will be the first to say, I am not a big fan of organized religion. Haven't been for a while now.  THIS mentality is part of the reason I'm not a fan.  If you are afraid to step inside of a church building because someone might show up to kill you, why do you bother getting out of the bed Sunday Morning? 

I did a Google Search on the topic, just to make sure this wasn't some sort of isolated insanity, and girls and boys, its not isolated.

I went on a tear with the person that told me this little story about the big megachurch preachers and their sense of safety. I reminded this "christian" that if one has faith in God as the omnipotent, omnipresent creator of the universe and everything in it (in other words, God already knows what's gonna happen to you in your life, so why try to manipulate that), then what EXACTLY are you afraid of, inside a church?

People don't believe me when I say I sometimes lose myself in my passion for what I know is God's Word.  Its ok, I know I am a vessel and that sometimes I say things that really aren't my words, but the words of God being spoken through me.  So, when I began to "spill" all over this person, I didn't feel bad about them deciding I was nuts.

"You do realize that God put you here and that He will be the one to take you away from here right?  You do realize that you haven't an ounce of control over that AND that it really shouldn't be the focus of your daily existence, right?  You do understand that ALL things happen because God chooses for them to happen, so, if some "nut" comes into a church and shoots the place up, and you end up being one of the dead people, its because that's the way God wanted it, right?"

Silence.

"Ok, so, again, why are there REALLY metal detectors and pistols inside the "house of God"?

 (it made me a little ill to ask question, I had to stop and get a drink of water.)

Silence.

Ladies and gentlemen, as the biblebeaters are happy to tell you, God don't like ugly.  Perhaps people who say that, should actually consider what that means.  The church has become this boil, this cancer, this diseased monster that  acts as the unstable foundation on which everything we've decided is sacred, rests.  (the sacredness of stuff is another topic for another day.)  So much energy is invested in the "presentation" of religious fervor that the content of spiritual faith is almost nonexistent.  Does anyone hear the still small voice anymore?  If they do, do they understand what it means to heed it?

Who EXACTLY are you protecting when you have metal detectors and pistols inside the church?  Why? What is so special about that/those people that all of this is necessary? Where is your faith?  What do you truly believe to be God's Will for you and how are you playing that out when you think its ok for there to be metal detectors in a church?  What the hell are you thinking to actually believe its OK to have/need security inside a house of God?  If you think its necessary, doesn't it occur to anyone that maybe, just MAYBE the problem isn't OUTSIDE the doors of the sanctuary, but INSIDE?  HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I love God.  I KNOW Jesus Christ, His Son, is my Lord and Savior.  I know Jesus taught me that there is nothing to fear but the wrath of God when I've done wrong.  I feel safe in my belief that one day, I will complete the task set out for me on this Earth, and God will come and take me away from this looney bin.  i look forward to that day.  In the meantime,  I make it clear to people who are PLAYING with God that there is no reason to be afraid inside the one place on the planet that is SUPPOSED to be a safe haven. I make it clear that if they actually believe the noise coming out of their mouths concerning faith and God being good and a fence around them and the one who protects them, WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN A CHURCH THAT OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT????

Wait, what am I ranting about?  Hell, these are the same places that have ATMs in the foyer and do credit checks on members so they can make sure the tithes are right.  (blank stare)

Forgive me, I lost my mind there for a second.  I'm ok now.

One last thing...
I am reminded of the story that was going around a few years ago about the hooded men that showed up in a packed sanctuary one Sunday morning with guns and began shooting bullets into the ceiling and the majority of the congregation ran for their lives.  When the dust cleared, they removed their hoods, smiled at the few remaining, praying parishioners, turned to the pastor and said, "now you can start service, the fakers are gone".

Maybe there should be more of that.  Just saying....

• robins start singing...(yes!)
• you wash the car and it gets pooped on by seagulls the moment you come out the automatic wash...
• back up... when the damned seagulls come back...
• its 50 degrees outside and SOME people start wearing shorts in public...
• you wish it would stop raining...
• the middle schoolers' sap starts rising and you're using crowbars to pull couples apart in the hallways
• you start considering the summer roadtrips...
• its time to "spring forward"... (if you're reading this on the 14th... that would be tonight... if not... hope you weren't late)...
• my child calls everyday excited about coming home for spring break...
• your other child starts counting down to graduation (sigh)...
• jay knows exactly how many days til he leaves for Japan...
• invitations to reunions of all sorts appear in the mail...
• cleaning things is on my mind (cleaned window screens today peeps)...
• I pull out the boxes of summer dresses...
• there are a hell of a lot of fish and seafood commericals on the tv...
• the Cadbury Bunny is back!!
• I start thinking about when the last day of school is (june 10th, btw)
• I make plans to put children out of my house for the summer... (what?)
• hubby has ways to spend the tax refund ...
• I feel like... writing, dancing, singing...
• the sun shines ALL the time (yippie)...
• I go Goodwill trolling for vintage jewelry...

Ahhhhh, welcome spring...

 Possibly due to the fact that I simply have grown out of the habit of watching, or maybe because I just don't give a damn about any of that stuff anymore, I stopped watching Oprah years ago.  So, every now and again, when she has a topic that piques my interest or an interview that moves me, I make a point of paying attention.  I don't watch, I can't watch anymore... it nauseates me, but, I do pay attention.

I paid attention yesterday.  Roger Ebert, fellow Chicagoan, fellow writer, movie buff extraordinaire and all around good guy was on.  The shock of seeing the photo of him jawless, literally, took a moment for me to process, and considering his inability to actually speak left me speechless, but, naturally hearing that he was using cool technology to actually "talk" to people made me glad his "voice" was still out there.

I remember way back in the day, when I was a kid and Roger and Gene Siskel were just two movie critics with the two major local papers in Chicago with this cute little show, "Sneak Peeks", on WTTW 11.  It came on late in the evening on Thursdays as I recall, and I would fall asleep next to my father as they argued about technical stuff and not so technical stuff, screenplays and actors.  It was the local show to watch at the time.

When they went big time on us (as all great voices in the world do), we were happy for them.  I wondered if the show would change, the men would change, the world would change because of the way they saw cinema.  It all did.  If Roger and Gene didn't like it, it was a flop.  If the thumbs went up, it was #1 at the boxoffice that weekend.

After Gene's death in 1999, I was convinced Roger would fade into obscurity, but was glad he didn't.  Although, like Oprah, I stopped watching all the time (I was never very good at sharing the local favs with the world), I enjoyed watching him with lovely Chaz on a red carptet somewhere.

As I read the summary of the Oprah show he was featured on, I discovered his website and greedily began reading his comments.  Such sweet nectar!  It's better than the newspaper column, better than the show, better than ever.

So what, Roger can't fuss like the grumpy, old curmungeon he really truly needs us to believe he is; so what if his vocal cords are gone and he now sounds like a computer.  His "voice", his amazing VOICE is alive and well, and he will continue to see the world and write about it as only he can.

Get well soon Roger, I love you!

I made the mistake of telling someone I was thinking about taking a day off. I made this wild statement way back in January. I haven't done it yet.  I ran into the person I told the other day.  Yes, she asked if I'd taken my day off.  I had to tell the truth, the woman has lie radar.

What is it about you short people?  Yall work too hard.

So, as I stood there defending height challenged people and making my excuses for not taking a day off, it occured to me that maybe, just maybe, she had a point.  Not about the short thing, but, that I could benefit from a day off.  Every Saturday for the last 2 months has been filled with some thing to do or pretend to do, or I was comotose from the week before.  The next couple of weekends will be the same. 

I was brought up by a workaholic, I suppose some of it rubbed off on me.  I can't help it; there's always something else that needs to be done, considered, looked into, finished up.  Just before I wrote this, I was on the phone with someone who told me how I should seriously consider teaching at the college level; right after I get my Masters Degree.  He understands me.  Never stop moving; moss might start growing, and we can't have that.

Back to my angel... she's right. I need a day off.  A day to just do nothing.  A mental health day, or better yet, a weekend.  I'm overdue, yes. I used to take mental health weekends all the time; just to sleep and stare out of a hotel window and maybe write in one of my notebooks for a few hours. 

The angel in my midst has delivered the message.  Its time to stop and take a few minutes for me.  Let me add that to my list of things to do.  Ha!

When I was a kid in school, and Valentine's Day came around, the teacher would have us decorate brown lunch bags with hearts and kisses and tape them to the sides of our desks.  At the appointed time, we would run around the room and drop our little cards in the bags of those we wanted to be our valentines and the teacher would give us all candy and a special card for each of us.  We'd run home with our bounty and read each little card to see who loved us enough to scribble their name on the card.  It was heaven.

Whatever happened to that?

When I was dating in college, depending on the guy I was hanging out with, Valentine's Day could be anything from a romantic dinner at some overpriced restaurant he couldnt' afford, in his attempt to both impressed and seduce me... or simply laughing and watching a "chick flick" in the dorm.  It wasn't as simple as when I was a kid, but it was nice. 

Whatever happened to that?

While in the throes of courtship with the man I eventually married, a silly little ritual begain.  I mentioned, the year we met (we met about a month before Valentine's Day, actually), that I loved Pez... and Jelly Bellies. On Valentine's Day, I got both and the most beautiful hand made, hand drawn card.  I still have the card, I have no idea what happened to that first Pez dispenser.  The Jelly Bellies were heaven.

Over the years, the general gifts have remained the same (I really do love Pez and Jelly Bellies) and the hand made cards are tied up neatly and in a box in the back of my closet.  I get dinner some years, jewelry others, all sorts of surprises too.  Its been... loving.

Yet, somehow, I want the dumb little card with his name scribbled on it.... and the candy hearts and the teddy bear and all the other stuff I got when I was younger.  I just what I really want is... younger.  Its gone tho... I know.

Valentine's Day has become this day of remembrance... joy on a quite level, happiness contained.  Its good, very good.  Even without the scribbled name on the card.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone...

I know, I know, I haven't been blogging. I decided to get a life... a little winter pagan holiday gift to myself, haha. But, its "time to make the random thoughts!"


However, the new year is upon us and all attempts on my part to make annual resolutions I know I will never keep have been squashed and I am now secure in my ability to resolve to do things...daily. Its working out nicely, thank you.


This will, naturally, be a year of continued growth, moving forward, only looking back to smile and wipe a tear where warranted. I have nowhere to go but up and out and over >>>>>there! There were a few bumps in the road last year, easily paved over with either blanket dismissal or amused denial and I will continue to work on the various things in my life that work for me, knowing its pissing the hell out of people that I'm doing it all without breaking a sweat.


I took it upon myself to pick up a new copy of Laurie Beth Jones' book Jesus, Entrepeneur (old title "Jesus, Inc") as I apparently gave away my old copy and am focused on a daily movement toward what she calls "spiritrepeneurship"... finding my gift (done), shaping it (getting there) and presenting it to the world for what it is, my spirit, my gift from God, to others (check back this time next year... or sooner).


If you've never read any of Laurie's books, I happily recommend them. Written in bible study form, using real world, real time examples, she applies Jesus' teachings to the fine art of business. Yes, ladies and gents, you too can love God and make a living doing it without fleecing the flock. People do it daily. Check out her stuff sometime, seriously.


In addtion to doing a little light reading, I'm working on a bonified marketing plan for the jewelry store. I've signed up for a few online marketing classes, am figuring out how google analytics works (help me Jesus!) and networking with other jewelry designers who aren't so full of themselves that they think everything they do is top secret. I am doing a lot of custom work. I've been told to hit the craft fair circuit... we'll see, we'll see...


Teaching the middle schoolers has been the experience of a lifetime. Would you believe, this bunch of knuckleheads want to learn science? Who would have thought! In one of the first studies in Jesus Entrepreneur, Laurie talks about taking the leap of faith that leads to your spiritual entrepeneurship. I do believe I've jumped, flown, and may never land. I hope not at least.


Well enough randomness for the 7th day of the 2010th year since Romans figured out how to put together a calendar. I'm watching snow fall and wondering if maybe I should put off moving to St. Thomas for 5 years. Man, I love winter! (did I say that?)


To all that read this, Happy New Year, and do one thing differently, every single month this year. You'll be surprised at the result.


Lubya!!

I participate in a couple of faith and religion forums online. My brand of spiritual awareness tends to unnerve a few professed Christians. I explain that I was raised in the Presbyterian Church and fully believe and accept that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I work hard to live my life as Jesus has taught us to live... all so I can know God's love in spirit and truth... as Jesus explains it in the Gospels...

However, I'm not a trinitarian. I don't call myself a Christian. I don't get caught up in the Pauline doctrine that is the modern Christian religion. This bothers some people I interact with in the forums.

Just the other day, after repeating for the 17gabillionth time the statement I've made above, someone "pretends" she was lurking and wanders into a thread I'm participating in. She makes the comment (as interpreted by her) that I am a strong Christian (I said I was had in a strong Christian background, not the same thing, or is it?), and that I seem to be able to quote and interpret scripture pretty well (well thanks total stranger for thinking that about me) . Yet, because I occasionally will say that dreaded word "hell" or "damn", and every now and again will speak of my spiritual leader (instead of saying pastor or bishop, mmmmmm), she felt it necessary to ask me if I was a Christian.

I didn't answer her. She'd already decided I wasn't so why bother. I wasn't up for a veiled attempt at "conversion" from someone who freely admits she's a Christian neophyte....

She, naturally, became frustrated at my desire not to capitulate to her questioning (they always do), told me that having a conversation with me was like pulling teeth and she wasn't a dentist (haha, funny.) and then wandered off into the sunset.

I have a question. Why do some people insist upon sizing a person up before engaging them in conversation? If you are as spiritually sound as you enjoy projecting to the world, why not just jump on into the pool and swim out out to me? Why stand on the edge and ask about the temperature of the water?
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People who aren't comfortable in their skin, literal or spiritual, tend to attempt to control their environments. Its a defense mechanism bordering on full fledged manipulation of their environment. "I will let in only those who think as I do and that I don't have to play the dummy with when we have a conversation." If ANYONE says anything that I'm not sure of, I'll check them out first, "tell them about themselves" (cus naturally, I've read 2 or 3 of your posts and I know so much about you) and then, politely get you to be what makes me comfortable. If you don't do what I say, I'll insult you, damn you to hell, and then go and gossip about you with others.

Gotta love church folk, huh?

Well, just for the record, in case anyone wants to know... again, I"m not a trinitarian. If you want to know why, send me a note, I'll explain it to you. Also, I don't belong to an organized assembly, nor do I show up anywhere on Sundays. Again, only the genuinely spiritually curious need email me.

The rest of you "biblebeating, my pastor didn't give me permission to think this week, amen sistagurl, she IS going to hell, isn't she" fine, upstanding "Christians"... have a nice week.

not sure if this is my favorite or not...but, it still makes me tingle...
of all the "bad", the "crazy", the "hurtful"... that went on in his life...
we forget the "good", the "upstanding", the "uplifting" that went on in his life...

enjoy....

This business in Iran is bothering me. In fact, all this business in the "middle east" has been bothering me for a while now. I tend to see the world through historically tinted glasses, a bit foggy, I will admit. Even with this truism about myself, I must say, there's something very toxic brewing here.

If you click on the title of this post, you will find yourself at a very interesting article in Salon.com by Michael Lind. Basically, Mr.Lind argues against theocratic governments and how Iran is attempting to hide a theocracy behind the current "free" elections.

There's nothing "free" about a theocracy, ladies and gentlemen. In a theocracy, clergy interpret and decide what is "right and wrong", "good and bad", "acceptable and unacceptable" in the society. They even define what/who "God" is and whether God is the God of all or just those who agree with them.

From a purely spiritual point of view, every person has the right to choose their path in life, not have it defined for them and then subjected to scrutiny 24/7. At least, that's what I believe based on my spiritual education. Naturally, there should be some rules, some guidelines so keep order in the world, however, to apply religious dogma to the daily functioning of government has never worked. Just ask the Jews.

God promised the Israelites the land of Canaan if they simply obeyed him. They did for a while, then, seeing the other nations function under kings and judges and religious leadership, they wanted what others had. Becoming disobedient, they set up a government that resulted in corruption of the laws of Moses. That particular theocracy/nation has never been quite the same, has it?

In our country, we have the right to worship as we please, the right to speak our mind concerning what the government does or doesn't do, and all sorts of other rights. The government attempts to remain secular, although, naturally, depending on the fervor (real or imagined) of whoever is in charge at any given time, we find ourselves being "corralled" with religious undertones attached to it all.

Natural rights, as Mr. Lind calls them, belong to everyone. To control how another human being functions in the world under the guise of "I'm doing this for your own good" only leads to rebellion. Sort of like what's happening in Iran right now.

Yet, the clergy/government seems shocked and confused by it all. Did they really believe everyone would just say, ok, we accept your (our) choice.

I think our founding fathers got it pretty much on point... even if we do battle it out daily about what we should and shouldn't be allowed to do, whether the government should interfere in our rights to do things, etc. and all the other stuff people don't really think about until a law is passed and they don't like what its about.

Oh well.... nations under God... gotta love them.

I truly thought it was my imagination
as I stared out at the precipitation...

damn, its raining again, why?

Warnings and watches, lightening and thunder...
this weather sometimes really makes a body ... wonder

when will summer come?

With wild anticipation and anxious joy
I glance at the new swim suit like its a brand new toy

will I ever get to the beach?

Oh summer, oh summer! The greatest of seasons
the one I love for so many reasons...

where the hell are you?

Yesterday it was 69 degrees today 90 degrees...
Manic depression in climatology is so 21st century...

can you medicate for that?

Sweet summer, blessed summer! Finally you've arrived...
I'm off to the festivals, parties and hope I survive!

dang its hot, when will fall be here?

I love you sweet summer, most warm time of year
Time to visit loved ones far and near...

let me stop now, its tan time!

Ok, I know, I haven't been here in ages... I've been busy... really busy... but, as of Monday the 22nd, I'll have so much time on my hands I might just accomplish a few things... with that said... consider this:

I promised myself when I started this blog that it would be used to post up all my random thought, so I'd be able to find them if I needed them in the future. You see, there's a history of dementia in my mother's family, and it appears we all simply lose our minds eventually. Its important that my words remain "out there somewhere"... as I've determined that they are special and someone needs to read them....

With that said, I did something really special today. After months of "finding myself" and making "proclamations" about what I have determined is my focus and purpose, at least temporarily, in life... I bought the domain for this site.

I just pulled out my credit card and bought the damned thing. Just like that. It was liberating... seeing how I AM The Synergistic Pen... I should OWN the name. So be it...

I also linked this mess of mine to my blackberry, so watch out... I'll be writing and taking pictures and video while running loose in the universe... you have been warned....

let the writing, considering, discussing, observing, commenting on, questioning, laughing at, crying about, and all that jazz... continue... in earnest!!!!

Today is Wednesday, May 13, 2009. There are 6 days left in the school year in my district....(thank you God)...

We just finished up some placement testing for the high school students and I was sitting in my classroom staring off into space wondering what sort of trouble I could get into this summer when 2 students wandered into the classroom and asked to speak to me.

I said sure and focused as the two of them fidgeted and fumbled with each other.

"Mrs. S. we have something we need to tell you."
(holding breath) "ok"

"We wanted to thank you for being our science teacher. We've learned so much about biology this year and we had so much fun learning it all. We didn't like science before and now we love it. Thank you, we love you."

(still holding breath)
"Wow"

"Oh, yeah, I've decided to major in biology when I go to college." one of them chimed in.

(trying not to cry)

"Wow"
"Why do you keep saying wow?"
"Cus, teachers never have students tell them these sorts of things. We never know at the end of the year if what we've worked so hard on pounding into your heads has stuck or if you even care. Thank you both for your compliment and your love. I appreciate it."

They both smiled at me and hugged me... then wandered off to lunch.
I sat there a moment longer. A coworker came in and asked what I was doing for lunch.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing. I had just asked God to tell me if I should teach next year or pursue something different. He just sent me the answer. That's all."

This is why I get up every morning...
This is why I spend late nights researching topics...
This is why I pray...
This is why I love teaching....

this is a piece of performance art created by a friend of mine... check out some more of his art at Screven Gallery

On one level, I suppose he thought he was protecting them. We'll never know. He was a man who was trying to do the right thing. He was married, raising his family, feeding them, clothing them, kept a roof over their heads. Then the bottom fell out from under him. Or as far as he was concerned, it had. Read his note.


I wanted to attempt to see this from the point of a man in America. A BLACK man in America.
So I asked my husband why he thinks Mr. Lupeo did it.

My husband's life mirrors his. After a moment's thought, he spoke quietly.

It is the job of the man to provide for his family. Its a hard job, even when things are going well. When something goes wrong, we panic. Some handle it betters than others. Some don't handle it at all. I know I wouldn't hurt my family tho. I think maybe he was afraid they they'd be separated or people would think less of him. Being unemployed makes one feel impotent.

As a woman, I could see that. My husband has been unemployed once since we've been married. It was the worst 6 weeks of his life. We fussed, he was angry and bored. He hated that I was struggling to pay the bills and he couldn't support or help me, which is what he promised my father, before God that he would always do. He was taught to be the provider, and couldn't be. That has to be the worse feeling in the world.

Mr. President said it would get bad. This tragedy is the human example of what happens in a recession. Its not the same as the selfish act of suicide after losing millions of dollars in the stock market; its the selfish, yet, somehow, unselfish act of trying to find a way to make the pain that all will suffer because of the loss of income just go away.

I'm not suggesting in any way, shape or form that what Mr. Lupeo did was right. Killing of self or others isn't the way to solve any life problem. We'll never know what exactly was going on in that household, with those people, with the dynamic of that family, that brought them to this place.

All we can do is pray for their souls. All we should do is reflect on what may happen to US in the next few months or years, and make sure we "do the right thing" for ourselves and those we love.

Rest In Peace Lupeo Family

So the other day, I made the decision NOT to make New Year's resolutions because I knew I'd last about 5 days before breaking them all. In doing this, I found myself making DETERMINATIONS instead...

For instance, I've determined to get my online jewelry store online by the first of February. I made this determination after having 2 conversations while at a Kwanzaa Festival in Chicago.

The first conversation was with a man from New York, who is a tailor. He brings his beautiful afrocentric inspired clothing to every single event in Chicago. This means, of course, that this man is doing well in his business. Aziz Fashions has been around for a while, with a shop in New York and the whole bit. The man has a website,(and I've misplaced his card, so can't give you the addy, sorry) but hasn't begun selling online. Which has always bothered me, cus when I need a new hat, dammit, I have to wait til a festival to get one... We always laugh about that...

So I told him he needed to get an online store. His eyes lit up when I said that. I gave him the name of one that was recommended to me and he asked if I wanted to be on his mailing list. (of course I did). I bought a hat and a shirt for hubby and I moved on.

The second conversation I had was with a woman from Racine, Wisconsin. She makes jewelry, same as me. Beautiful stuff! We talked, I picked out a few things and then I asked her if she had an online store. She proudly told me that her store would be launching the end of January.She has a myspace site available. Shea Brojae's LLC is a collaborative effort between her and a sister in law who is a loctician. Good for them! I bought three pairs of earrings, a choker and an african walking stick. We shared our favorite jewelry wholesaler websites and she admired my earrings and headband (both my designs) and I went on my way.

On the ride home, I thought about it. What am I waiting for? Isn't this supposed to be the year of "no more excuses"??

I am determined, ladies and gents... to do this one thing this year. There are other things I have promised myself I'd do. I determine to get those things done also. (yes, cheerleaders, I am working on the novel)

If others can live out their creative dreams, why can't I? Why can't we all? You do have a dream, don't you? Are you determined to make it happen?

OK... so I had my almost adult children open their presents Christmas Eve so I wouldn't have to be disturbed Christmas Morning.... that worked out well, they sat up half the night playing with the new Wii...

So... this morning I laid in bed staring at the ceiling and considered the day....

Christmas... I've lived through quite a few of them, happily, sadly, indifferently...

Those who get "up" for the day have spend weeks now telling me I should "celebrate"...

naturally I ask, celebrate what?

"Why Jesus' birth of course!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean "why"?"

"Well, I celebrate the life and teachings of Jesus everyday...so, to simply celebrate his birthday seems so... anticlimatic..."


Silence...

No offense nice people reading this (does anyone ever read my stuff, I wonder... oh well) I haven't put up a christmas tree in 9 years now; I haven't showed up for advent services or religious events or pagaents or things of that sort for years....

I DID go to a "christmas party"... that was fun... I got drunk...danced and did some karoake...

I've endured multiple versions of the same 15 most popular Christmas songs of all times, watched all the cool animated shows I loved watching as a child and even sent my mother a Christmas card...

Yet, at the end of it all... I smiled at the quiet of my house, my life, my spiritual health this morning...I sat at a table with my father's two remaining siblings and laughed about Christmas' past, and hung out with cousins and their small children as they played with their new toys and games...

I watched my daughter make plans to "hang out" later in the evening... and my son catch his best friend who moved away last year up on the neighborhood news...

No stressed out, overindulgence in shopping malls.
No sending cards to people who don't even acknowledge my existence the rest of the year...
No phone calls to say Merry Christmas to people I'd normally only call to get information from... and nothing else...

It was nice...
I went over the details of how Jesus came into the world... again...
I listened to my Handel's Messiah CD... immediately followed by the annual listening of my Charlie Brown CD...

and now... I"m watching a Mythbusters Marathon on Discovery.

So, THIS is Christmas...

I like it...

Happy Christmas, Merry New Year everyone!